10 9 Things that gross/creep me out

1. Mushy, starchy foods like mashed potatoes

2. Peanut butter on bread (too sticky or something - I've never really been able to pinpoint what I don't like about it)

3. As a kid, I loved swimming lessons but hated walking on the sopping wet tile, especially with the wet fuzz and mystery hairs that were rampant all over. I still get the heebies just thinking about it.

5. HATE.feet. I can barely stand to hear the word 'toenails'. It grosses me out just to type it. Eww.

6. There must NOT be errant hairs in the shower when I get in. This ties in with #4. Eww.

7. If I find my husband's body hair on my soap, I go ballistic. Especially when it's my favorite bar of Bliss soap. Note to self: get him his own soap for birthday. Actually, get him his own bathroom so he can drip pee on the floor and hair it up to his heart's content. Why do I have him around, anyway?

8. Men who have long fingernails.

9. Smoker fingernails. They're all thick and yellow and nasty. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

10. Chipped nail polish. JUST TAKE IT OFF ALREADY.

WW - Caption This

I can't think of a good caption. Any ideas?

Weekend Bullet Points

1. On Friday night (rehearsal), the girl was WIRED. SIL actually had an idea that a 3 year old would be capable of standing at the altar for the duration of the 30 minute ceremony. Uh, yeah. The rehearsal cured that notion.

2. Friday night's activities included the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and "open house". All of them a requirement for husband and I. SIL gets tiny cake for husband's and my 10th anniversary. Woo hoo.

3. Saturday: I was able to get out for an AM hour of shopping at my favorite large health food grocery store, which we do not have in my new neck of the woods. I keep stalking their website and requesting a store, hopefully they'll listen one of these days.

4. "Bridal luncheon" at noon. Parmesan crusted whitefish. YUM. Tasted even better because I didn't have to pay for it.

5. Rush back to IL's house to get dressed. Pics for family at 3:30.

6. Rode with IL's to church rather than take two cars (they have a mini-van). This is significant later on.

7. Ceremony happens. Daughter walks down the aisle excellently, but instead of stopping where MIL and I are sitting, she goes up to the front to stand by daddy at the altar. Whoops. She gets tired after a few minutes, asks to be picked up. Husband holds her for a little bit, then sets her down and tells her to go sit by mommy. She does without talking loudly. Yay!

8. Everyone goes out to church steps for a picture of all guests. Swelter in humid, 80+ degree full late afternoon sun. Perhaps wearing black wasn't such a good idea. Sweat possibly starting to pool in Spanx. Husband's head looking shiny.

9. Tell FIL to get the van's air going full blast, we're going back inside to get bags, hangers, etc. Come back out to VAN NO WHERE TO BE FOUND. Walk around church in bewilderment. STILL NO IN-LAWS. Call MIL's cell phone. STRAIGHT TO VOICE MAIL. Yep. They left without us. WITHOUT THEIR SON, GRANDCHILD, AND red headed stepchild of a DAUGHTER IN LAW. Paid no attention to the kid's music blasting on the satellite radio, just got in the van and blindly headed to the reception.

10. Caught ride with groom's sister. No booster for the kid, but oh well. Husband sputtered the whole way about disowning his parents. I called my mom to tell her the ceremony went fine and that ILs left us at the church...she about peed herself for laughing. Molly got on the phone and said "daddy's distending grandpa".

11. MIL calls, apologizes profusely.

12. Get to reception, Molly walks up to ILs and announces "you left us on purpose!". She then proceeds to walk around telling everyone else that grandpa left us at the church.

13. Kid maintenance through dinner. Ewww. Hard to relax and enjoy when you're constantly worried about where your kid is.

14. Dancing starts. Child makes beeline for dance floor. Dances with everyone, even people she doesn't know. Does not leave floor the entire evening, EVEN FOR CAKE AND ICE CREAM. We finally peel her off the floor 2 hours past her bedtime.

15. Back at ILs, husband farts loudly. Molly stalks down the hall and announces, "daddy, I don't have time for this tooting!"

16. Blissful sleep.

17. Next morning, caterers arrive to set up for brunch. My god, will this weekend never end?

18. 6 hours later, the weekend as I know it ends. I start for home while husband downloads pictures and child takes nap before they leave for home.

I may do more of a narrative later, but these are the highlights (so to speak). As you might imagine, I'm still exhausted from it all. It's a lot of work acting smiley and happy when all you want to do is veg and sleep. Feel free to ask any burning questions about the festivities. ;)

More later...

WOTC OVER!!!! Back home. Work this am. ENT for Molly this pm.

Forgotten at church. M charmed everyone. Too cute in dress.

More later.

Haiku Friday - Apology

Reading, commenting

I've been terrible lately

I will be better.

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Next week, more relaxed

More time to look at your blogs

before vacation...

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I feel like a child

chastised for being naughty.

Too bitchy lately.

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Eventually, you'll get sick of my ranting

You ever feel like your life (or events therein) is just like a big zit with a shiny, quivering head, ready to explode? Yeah. That's what I feel like right now.

So I've already bitched about the wedding of the century this week. I get a call from the husband today explaining why he can't come home tomorrow after taking care of the yard at the old house (the neighbor kid who is supposed to be mowing and trimming weeds is doing a shit-ass job)...I wanted him to come home so we could take one car over. That reason would be the SIX.PAGE.ITINERARY. that details the WOTC. Starting tomorrow and ending on Sunday. I'm surprised they didn't schedule when people were supposed to be taking their daily crap. I'm practically breaking out in hives with this thing. I wasn't this keyed up about my own damn wedding!

And then tonight, I get this email from husband:

"Stop thinking you have it bad... I'd pay to trade spots with you. I'm sitting in the living room with Dad watching "So you think you can dance". It's blaring at 1,000,000 decibels, and he's also farting up a storm. My mom is also showing dad the beginnings of her "hammer toe". Maybe when you are here you can give your opinion of it."

Aaaah. Four days with the in-laws. I can't. f**king.wait.

Helllllllp meeeeeeeeee.

WW - Pick me from the Dork Line-up

These are some of my buddies and I, Spring, 9th grade (circa 1988). We had a series of pictures taken as a surprise for another friend, who was moving away at the end of the school year. The pictures were custom framed in a collage and presented to her at a party given in her honor.

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This was a really, really difficult thing to have happen...I grew up in the same house my parents built shortly after their marriage, the same house they still live in today. My core group of friends, with the exception of the one these pictures were done for, all stayed for the remainder of high school. The one who moved away was naturally easier to lose touch with, although several of us went to her 16th birthday party, came for visits occasionally, and eventually, attended her wedding.

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This past year, I discovered that I was living and working only about 30 minutes away from this displaced friend. I decided to be brave and showed up with my business card at her office, fully intending to just leave it ,with my contact info on the back, with her receptionist. The receptionist insisted I wait to see if she was getting close to her lunch break. I'm so glad I did, because we've now reconnected. And in many ways, it feels like hardly any time at all has passed between the picture above and now.

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So now for the fun: take a guess as to which one is moi. Tuli, you may have an unfair advantage, although you claim you don't remember what I look like. ;) I promise to let all of you who guess know if you're right or not.