Bitchy and Ranty

Pre Mid-Life Crisis?

2009-08-20T15:57:00.005-04:00

So in the past 19 months with my current therapist, I've danced around a variety of topics. Most of them pertained to my father and his illness, and after December, obviously around his demise. I finally wondered aloud if my dad was the only reason I was there...and she said that, with the background info she'd pieced together, most likely there were more issues to delve into. Uh, thanks...I think. Well, I knew deep down she was right. Let's see...self-esteem, self-worth, a teensy bit obsessive/compulsive (but not the wash-your-hands-10,000-times-a-day/have-to-check-all-the-locks-at-night-kind-of-OCD), control issues, etc. etc. etc. What can I say? I'm a complex kinda gal.

Through all the gobbledygook, brilliant therapist said "Do you think that maybe you're struggling right now because you don't have a "greater goal" in mind?"

I stopped talking and just...absorbed. Could it be? Hmm. Well, after high school's swarm of activity, I entered college and of course, always had some sort of goal/assignment/hellishness to complete. Once the B.A. was done, there was the checklist with "get a real job" in bold print, right on top, followed closely by "move out of parental house". It took a little over a year to achieve that one (after hundreds of resumes and a few interviews...elementary teachers of the non-minority variety were a dime a dozen). There was also the short term outcome of "find a man better than that piece of crap that cheated on you with a snow cow" that was checked off...since I met the man who would become Molly's Dad. Then I moved in with him ($22,000/year employment by a charter school does not pay for a solo apartment, utilities, car payment, and student loans. Damn.) and we began wedding planning. Next goal? Getting through the hellish first year of teaching, after which I decided something else needed doing - it was a reeeeeeally sucky year. I took the GRE (after a prep period of 2 weeks) and applied to the speech path program at a local university - and got in for the fall semester. Okay! So then my next 4 years was filled with short term outcomes leading to the big goal of graduation. I was busy and mentally occupied...life was good. Check.

Next goal after the M.A., naturally, was get a real job. Didn't have to wait long for that; I started R.J. 2 weeks before physically graduating. So then? STO was to get to the end of the CFY (clinical fellow year) and take/pass the certification test. Check.

And then baby planning came into play. As with everything else in my fracking life, this child was über planned and, while she wasn't conceived exactly when I would've liked for her to have a spring birthday (stop rolling your eyes. I have issues.), it worked out just fine. I changed jobs so as to have a shorter workday and work year (although I was giving up a job I otherwise loved), and we moved along. STO at that time was to not be a shitty mom and sink or swim in the world of speech path in the schools. Check.

The spring after M turned 2, husband started getting a bit tired of his micromanaging boss and decided to look for other employment options. This was before the fall of Detroit (and I'm soooo glad he got out when he did...his company was in a contract with one of the car companies that went bankrupt this year so who knows what happened with that contract?). I was super tired of living in metro D and we were clearly outgrowing our tiny tract bungalow, so when he found a job on the west side of the state (an hour away from my hometown), we decided to go for it. I found a job in a fairly short amount of time. Check.

Then my dad got sick. I knew this would be a hard journey for me, being a daddy's girl. But the next 14 months were spent basically waiting to hear results of PET scans, letting go of breaths when all looked well, and just holding on. Then the bottom fell out of my world and I've been just sort of floating here ever since. No STOs, no goals...just to stop my mind from manufacturing crazy - staving off horrific anxiety, depression, etc.

The fog has started to lift ever so slightly. I can see light at the end of the tunnel. My laugh comes a bit more easily these days. But now? Now I need to see what the next goal will be. I am not one of those women who lives and breathes solely for her family...I love them to pieces, but I cannot function that way. I (selfishly) need a goal for me. But I don't know what it is.

Any of you, whether you normally read this (crappily boring) blog or whether you just happened upon it. Any ideas for a new life goal? For a pre mid-life crisis? I wish it were just as easy as a hot pool boy to look at or some plastic surgery, but it ain't. So give me your two cents. How do you guys handle this? Do you even run off little goals like that, or am I some kind of freakish robot like human? (Wait, don't answer that part. I'm still sensitive.)

The Post That Took Me Seven Months to Write...

2009-07-18T17:23:00.004-04:00

It's been a rough 7 months. The roughest 7 months I've ever known...or ever want to know again. There were many, many days I had to really reach inside of myself to find the strength to keep going. The depression and anxiety that were probably always lurking (even though I went to therapy for the first time after being diagnosed with postpartum depression) went gangbusters in my brain.

This all may be pretty normal for someone who's lost a parent, right?

My father, since his suck-ass diagnosis, had been a trouper (or is it trooper? I've never really known.). He took chemo like a champ, and I think did WAY better than any of the doctors thought a crusty 77 year old man could do. PET scans showed that the one involved lymph node was no longer swollen. There were no metasteses to any other organs. Even the activity at the main lesion was quieted. There was only one area that was still lighting up on the scans - a spot on his sternum. As the heavy chemo meds were taking a toll on his aging kidneys, his doctors recommended a break from chemo last summer. His hair grew back (my husband was jealous), albeit now more white than the salt and pepper it was before. Other than the fact that his job was not calling him much - obviously the car industry was doing a swift tanking. The dealer did not need him to pick up any new cars or go to any auctions. This was probably the first step.

He noticed a bump beginning to form on his sternum.

This grew a little more, and the doctors did another bone scan to try and get a better idea of what it was. The radiologist thought that it was just "superficial", and since it was starting to cause some discomfort, they decided to try some radiation. His heart was doing better, so it was felt to be safe.

I don't think they really, truly explained and made sure he understood that radiation, especially to the chest, can be damn uncomfortable. I wish they had.

He began a cycle of radiation last November, traveling the 45 miles back to the cancer center and hoping winter weather would hold off a little longer. I never really knew how much he was hurting, but my mom started mentioning that he was coughing a lot, and it hurt to cough. He also started having trouble swallowing (something he'd never even had with a lesion in the esophagus) and would gag on his food at times. My dad did NOT like to be pampered and did not like people to see him get sick like that...even his wife of 57 years. He went back to the oncologist and they mentioned how painful the area was. The oncologist, knowing their medicare prescription coverage was being stretched to the limit, mentioned that Hospice would be able to supply pain meds.

That was the wrong word to mention in front of my strong willed father.

I never got the chance to tell him that the oncologist probably didn't mean HOSPICE the way it seemed...that he was, against all odds, doing pretty darn well for his age and diagnosis. I never got the chance to ask him to please hold on, for me, for my daughter, for all of us.

I'm not sure exactly how long it was after that conversation with the oncologist that my father made his decision, but I know it wasn't terribly long.

On the morning of Sunday, December 21, in a horribly awful snowstorm, while my mother was at church, my father ended his own life.

That'll bring the conversation to a halt, won't it? No wonder I don't advertise. No wonder it took me so damn long to write a post about it. I almost didn't.

It hurts me deeply to write those words. I feel like people will judge him for choosing that end. I feel like people will judge me for being the daughter of someone who would choose that end. I'm devastated. And sad. And PISSED. If you'd asked any one of my family members whether we'd ever thought that scenario possible? ANY one of us would have answered hell to the NO. I'm still in disbelief.

So now, we try to heal. It's been a long, hard road...the anxiety and depression have had a grip on me like no other while I try to beat them back. I don't want to be dependent on medication, although I know there may come a time where I will have to have it.

The winter this year was long. My family was scattered off in different places this spring. So, on July 5, we brought a second step to a close. We buried his ashes in our church Memorial Garden. In a way, I felt just a wee, teensy, microscopic bit of weight lifted off my shoulders after that.

But it has been a HARD 7 months. 7 months that included too many "celebrations" without my dad. Christmas for starters. M's 4th birthday in February. What would've been my dad's 79th birthday. Father's Day. 4th of July, when we've always had a (paternal) family reunion. Too many celebrations that I just wanted to be left out of, to cry and mourn a little more.

But I have to start living again. And realize that, even as I mourn, I can still enjoy life, and laugh. My dad loved laughing. I need to honor him that way.

*I apologize if this post sounds scattered. There were so many ways I wanted to set it up to tell the story, but I never took notes or made any damn outlines or blah blah blah. It says what it needs to say, and that's it. Period.*

Heading Out...

2009-06-26T06:56:00.002-04:00

With a friend to drive with her back to Colorado. I'll stay out there for a week, then fly home (first class with my miles upgrade - when else am I ever going to be able to fly first class?!). See you all next week!

Huh?

2009-06-25T14:10:00.002-04:00

Hey! I'm FOLOTD today, which is total awesomeness! Thanks for stopping by my little crapholio blog. Haven't posted anything of note in quite a while (dealing with personal stuff that you might be able to deduce whilst reading), but feel free to browse.

Thanks, Cary ; )

Monday Morning Funny...

2009-06-01T07:54:00.004-04:00

Just sharing something that made me laugh hysterically...hope it puts a laugh in your belly as well! I don't remember this video being that strange, but I was 11, so what did I know?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj-x9ygQEGA

*I needed a laugh today; it would've been my dad's 79th birthday...*

I'm going slightly mad...

2009-05-25T14:49:00.003-04:00

I should probably go see my therapist more often than once a month.

Anyone who has ever lost someone close to them would know that what I am going through is most likely "normal". This cycle of semi-good days followed by several crap days. Crap meaning I might get up and shower, but am not motivated to go anywhere or do anything. I feel overwhelmed to even make a grocery list, much less actually go to the grocery store. The only thing I'm able to do consistently is go to work - and that's only because I can't afford not to. I've been so pissy the last few days, snapping at both husband and daughter...probably because if I don't snap, I'll cry. My sense of humor is MIA, and I used to be one that loved to laugh - stupid humor, pratfalls, bring it on!

The stress at work has been a problem as well. This time of year is bad no matter what - having to get through a bunch of IEPs; getting new referrals and having to figure out what to do with them over the summer; report writing up the yinyang. And to top it off, I had another speech path be a complete and utter jackass to me. I was trying to do this pinhead a favor - I have given him WAY more than I have to give the other SLPs I work with (these are people that our little ones are transitioning to after they age out of the early intervention birth - 3 program) because he doesn't understand my report. Keep in mind that no one else has EVER had a problem with understanding my reports or the goals I suggest. After this kid's IEP, I actually sat down and wrote out the sounds this kid can do (which is NOT the primary concern...language is b/c the kid is not saying as much as he should) and can't do (the can't do's were all developmentally appropriate, meaning we can't really expect him to say these particular sounds yet). I got a really nasty, rude, obnoxious reply that made my blood boil. I forwarded it to my boss, who forwarded it to her boss. Now we'll see if anything comes of it. This guy is unreal. To top it off, I can't find him in the directory of nationally certified SLPs and his teaching certificate expired in 1998. So what credentials does he have? Nothing, besides being the biggest assbag on earth. That happened last week and it still makes me furious. I should not be holding onto it like I am.

And then, there's a holiday weekend. Ah, bliss! A long weekend to leisurely sit around, get things done around the house, etc.! W-R-O-N-G. To me? Well, I don't really know what my problem is, other than the fact that I think it's because my Memorial Day routine has been upset. My dad isn't around anymore to go to the (10 minute) parade with. I just plain don't have the motivation to get out and do anything big. I don't even really want to go next door to have a BBQ with the neighbors; it just means that I'd have to expend energy to be social. Anyone that knew me back in the day knew that, while maybe I didn't care for huge gatherings of people I didn't know well, I would at least jump at the chance to be around my friends. Not to mention that I almost feel like my friends are avoiding me - but maybe that's just some weird paranoia. Or maybe I really am starting to get weird.

I don't want to be this way. I HATE grieving. I hate mourning. My dad would be the first one to tell me to knock it off. It's been 5 freaking months, and I want to be done with this. But, as my therapist told me recently, while I think that, she sees it as "it's only been 5 months". It's hard to cut myself some slack. I feel isolated and damn lonely, being 2 hours away from the friends I was around for 10 years. I don't have the gumption to go out and meet new people - pretending to be "normal" when I so. don't. feel. normal.

Is it ever going to get better???

WW - Copping a feel

2009-02-25T10:59:00.003-05:00

From last Tuesday, Animal Kingdom's Camp Minnie Mickey. I hope Mickey won't need counseling after this.

**I'm trying to return to the blog world...slowly. I was trying to compose a post about the December life events, but decided I'm not ready to go there just yet. Facebook has also been quite the time sucker, which any of you that also have Facebook accounts can attest to. Thanks to everyone for your care and concern...**

Mourning

2008-12-24T00:22:00.003-05:00

I go from sobbing to laughing, calm to crying at the drop of a hat. I'm afraid at any point out in public (that is, if I can get out in public with the 2+ feet of snow we have that will not stop) I will start crying uncontrollably. It's horrible.

At a future point in time, I will write to cleanse. I will write to educate. I need to speak the truth, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much people will judge. For myself. For my dad.

But right now, I will cry. And cry.

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts, whether you've voiced them or not.

And again, here come the tears.

I don't even know how to say this...

2008-12-21T15:22:00.001-05:00

but my dad is gone.

How is it possible...

2008-12-07T10:00:00.002-05:00

in this age of medical technology that a new mother, with a baby only 3 weeks old, can die of complications from birth? I just found out this morning about a sorority sister of mine and I'm so sad for her husband, baby, family, and friends.

And I'm also sorry that I've been so awful about posting and visiting. These past few weeks have been crazy, what with my convention in Chicago (a good time was had by all), resultant upper respiratory sickness from being in very close quarters with two sickies in Chicago, Thanksgiving travel, and work. Plus the evil lure of Facebook has been calling to me (and if any of y'all are on it yourselves, I'd love to befriend you there! Let me know...), which is how I learned of my sorority sister. I am going to try to be better...

Hope everyone is well...

Another 5 pounds down, and I still hate Vicky

2008-11-18T23:17:00.002-05:00

So Amy totally went against everything I thought she'd learned...and after Vicky called her a backstabbing b*tch all week long. She should know that as soon as V gets a chance, she'll vote her ass off without blinking. Oh well, I guess she'll learn soon enough. I swear, if Vicky wins this whole thing, I refuse to watch any more seasons of this.

I've been slightly more MIA lately, and I apologize. It's not easy to keep up regularly with everything else (work) going on (child). I've been on Facebook, which is pretty cool...I've found many people from my past and may even meet up with one in the windy city soon! Tomorrow, I leave for Chicago with 3 co-workers...we are heading to our national conference and not coming back until Sunday morning! I've spent the last few days doing laundry, packing here and there, finishing reports, chiseling away at the fall growth on my legs, etc. And then - holy crap - it's Thanksgiving! What happened? I hope that the weekend doesn't totally derail my diet...I'd hate to undo what amazingness just happened over the past 2 weeks!

I'm going to try to write more often, especially during my school breaks, but after the new year in particular. I hope all y'all are well!

I'm Freezing

2008-11-15T19:42:00.003-05:00

Uh, yeah. So my house has only been in existence for 18 months or so, right? And one would expect, when one owns a newer home, that said home would be relatively maintenance and trouble free, for the most part, correct?

And if there is trouble, like say the furnace won't kick on, would it not be reasonable to ask that this occurrence happens on a weekday? Or that, if not, then one would be able to find a heating and cooling company that has Saturday morning hours?

We got sucker punched by Murphy's Law.

Woke up this morning to a chilly house, which isn't necessarily a problem, since our heat is programmed to kick on at about 7 or 7:30. However, when that time passed and there was still no real heat emanating from the registers, we started to worry. We have a new, fancy, high tech, Energy-Star-Save-the-Planet-Good-Housekeeping-Sealed-Lennox furnace that crapped out on us. Called the number on the furnace sticker, and got voice mail with nary an off hours emergency number. I found a company that's actually in our town, husband called and was actually called back. So I took munchkin to my parents' house and husband waited for the HVAC dude.

Dude was very nice, apparently, but his company sucks donkey. They charge DOUBLE for labor on the weekends, not even time and a half. DOUBLE. And if the builder had this company install the system, our service call would've been free (so we'd at least have our $120 back). And, oh, the company that installed our system? Out of business. Yep, we don't even have any sort of recourse there.

So Lennox covers the part that's busted (some sort of gas valve that you can't even go to Home Depot to buy...you must buy it from some special warehouse and you must be a certified HVAC guru), and hey, it's good that we won't have to shell out at least $91. However, the LABOR for this is $300!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even charge that much for an hour of MY time at work. What the frig?!? And if we had it installed today? $580. JUST. FOR. LABOR. Since kiddo is spending the night at g & g's, I said hell, no, we'll wait until Monday.

But I'm pissed. Why the hell is this thing busting after 18 months? And why the hell doesn't Lennox cover at least part of the labor costs, especially before the unit has been operating even 2 years? This is crap. I was so mad earlier, I thought I was going to bust an artery. I will be writing to both Lennox and Good Housekeeping about the quality suckage, even though I'm sure it won't get me anywhere. And I'll be calling my homeowner's insurance on Monday morning to see if this is covered under our policy.

It's totally the principle of the thing.

And I'll be checking into HVAC certification for my husband. Dammit, he might as well earn his keep somehow.

SERENITY NOW!

YES!!!!

2008-11-11T22:03:00.003-05:00

You guys, I have never been into this show in the past, but I am SO. GLAD. that Amy C. did the right thing tonight and split up a purely evil team. She doesn't deserve to be part of that piece of crap blue team. I'm just bummed out it wasn't Vicky the b**ch. I can't even write that much about it, it makes my blood absolutely boil. I was so happy tonight to find that other people loathe Vicky as much as I do - I found Tivo Mom and her band of readers.

And now the rest of you know how vindictive I am inside...except that, if you watch the show, you'll know that I'm actually for the "good guys".

Thank you, Amy C.! I'm very proud you're a Michigander!

And in my own weight loss? Down 5.4 lbs this week...yay!

Accountability

2008-11-05T14:04:00.003-05:00

Nothing to do with the election, folks. Just a "public" declaration that I am officially back to Weight Watcher meetings. I was always a Saturday morning kinda girl - get up, drop the kids off at the pool (if you know what I'm sayin'), then go weigh in and stay for the meeting. Now? It's 5:30 on a weekday, and at a church - not at an actual WW building - but the meeting is super close to my house. Hopefully, that'll encourage me to go consistently. I'm hoping to find a kindred spirit (recognize the literary reference anyone?) that I can do some walking with. While it's nice to be solitary sometimes, it's always better with a friend.

So now that at least a few people know about it, I will feel slightly more accountable.

Technical Difficulties & Misheard Lyrics

2008-11-03T22:58:00.003-05:00

Since I can't get ANY of my Halloween pics or videos to upload, I give you this:

My child thinks the chorus of "Don't Fight It" is actually "Go Pirate". She sings it loud and proud.

Halloween Haiku

2008-10-31T00:00:00.001-04:00

Waiting to go out

It's trick-or-treat time again

Candy bars galore

******

Scared to venture out

but the irresistable

pull of sugar calls

WW - Fall Fun

2008-10-29T00:00:00.000-04:00

Last Thursday, I wanted Molly to see a sunset. So we ate dinner and got in the car for the 15 minute trip to the big lake. Unfortunately, it was too cloudy to see the sun at that point, so we didn't see what we came for. But we had fun talking about the lake and waving goodnight to grandma and grandpa to the south. Molly was, however, QUITE upset that the swings were no longer up. I tried to explain that, once the snow fences go up, the swings come down. No dice. Saturday, we went to "help" make apple butter at a friend's family farm. We did more watching than helping, but you know how it is when you don't want to be in the way? It was pretty cool, and we got some product for our presence.

Incidentally, making apple butter takes a long time. You have to boil cider down for several hours, then cook the apples separately (basically making applesauce in mass quantities), stirring constantly. The apples cooked for basically 6 hours before the cider was added back in, a bit at a time.

There was fun to be had in the corn crib while waiting. The girls were making "corn soup".

Lastly, take the mixture off the heat, add in sugar, cinnamon, cloves, and allspice. And lots of it.

Then back home Sunday for some relaxing and torturing of the kitties. Honestly, how many cats tolerate having costumes on? Do you see the death grip husband has to have on this one?

I got lucky and caught Scooter just waking up...she didn't fight it too much. But as you can see, she's clearly thinking, "I am SO going to poop stain this chick's side of the bed tonight."

IPod Songs Anonymous

2008-10-24T00:00:00.000-04:00

Come on, we all have 'em...those songs that you'd hate to have exposed to everyone. I am known as a Queen of the Obscure Song, and there are definitely some obscurities on here. Anyhow, here goes:

1. Sailing - Christopher Cross
I challenge you to listen to this with headphones and see if you don't immediately want to be at the beach in a lounge chair at sunset. With headphones, you can hear all of the background instrumentation (likely synthesized, but who cares?) and it's soooo much better. I've loved this song since I was a kid.

2. The Sweetest Thing - Juice Newton
Another throwback to childhood. There were so many country crossovers in the early 80s that we all loved them. This was no exception. An especially good tune to belt out while using your hairbrush as a microphone.

3. Boogie in Your Butt - Eddie Murphy
The perfect song for an immature elementary schooler. Put a little tiny man in your butt indeed.

4. Alley Oop - The Hollywood Argyles
My family had the "Goofy Greats" LP when I was growing up...remember K-Tel? Yeah, baby. This is one of those songs that's only semi-politically incorrect.

5. The Lumberjack - Jackyl
I was seriously dating a guy who was into hard rock. I went to a Damn Yankees concert (no comments, please) and Jackyl opened for them. What can I say? I was hornswoggled into listening to their music by some sort of subluminal message, brought to me by the chainsaw playing of Jesse James Dupree.

6. 99 Luft Balloons - Nena
The German version only, please. Who didn't love this song?

7. The Girl is Mine - Paul McCartney & some weird other guy
Again. What tween girl in 1983 did not covet this album? I will still belt this one out in the car if it's on.

8. Puff the Magic Dragon - Peter, Paul, and Mary
Please tell me I'm not the only one who remembers this cartoon in the 70s. It was a seasonal special, but I can't remember what holiday it usually played around. I can still picture the animation in my mind.

9. The Girl from Ipanema - Stan Getz & Astrud Gilberto
I feel so groovy when I hear this song. Actually, it is pretty relaxing. I think I downloaded it because of some commercial a few years ago. I'm easy prey for advertisers.

10. Call to the Heart - Giuffria
Don't ask me where this one came from. I remember LOVING the song when it was on the radio (in 1984) at the age of 12. I still actually like it.

So tell me, what songs are you embarrassed about?

SNL funny - Peyton Manning United Way

2008-10-23T22:46:00.002-04:00

WW - The Music in Me

2008-10-22T00:00:00.000-04:00

Remember my new camera, that husband bought for my birthday this year? Well, one evening while playing hide-and-seek with my daughter, I found the old one. Under our bed. Apparently, it fell out of husband's jeans pocket when he took them off and, well, he didn't notice. Oh well. At least I found this picture:

We had pretty good seats, if I do say so myself. And yes, I know I'm old. Believe me, I was reminded by the number of legitimate geriatrics at the concert. We're talking people that served in the Korean War.

And for the daily dose of cuteness, I give you this:

Rockin' out at Best Buy with daddy. Check out the badass flashing witch amulet she's sporting. It really goes with that pink Wisconsin Ducks sweatshirt, no?

Pick-Me-Up

2008-10-20T22:12:00.002-04:00

Ugh. First of all, hugs to my regular bloggy peeps who have also been feeling a bit down in the dumps. Maybe if I'd read your posts a few days ago, I wouldn't have felt quite so alone tonight when I broke down and cried from...I don't know what. Thanks for being so honest in your writing.

I have found that, if I'm feeling crappy on a Monday, watching The Big Bang Theory is pretty helpful. Highly recommended therapy.

And if I don't feel better the next day? I can get out my new Wii game (haven't gotten it yet) and pretend I'm slapping the sneer right off Jillian's face. Now that is a feature that I'd pay extra for.

Chins up, all!

So Proud

2008-10-12T18:45:00.004-04:00

My child surprised me twice this weekend-

The first surprise was when she wrote her name for the first time - WOW. I never anticipated getting so excited over something like that. But it was huge!

The next surprise was when I tried to have her write the word cat. I wrote it down, as seen above, for her to copy. What she did was draw what you see above the word cat. Isn't that the most adorable thing EVER?

I've been a little MIA the past few days. I'm working on possibly opening up my junior high diary and recopying some of those embarrassing little gems, idea courtesy of Swistle and Mortified. I also have tomorrow and Tuesday off, which is new this school year (hallelujah) and will be heading to Chi-town tomorrow with a good friend, a la Ferris Bueller. Minus the greasy parking structure dude and the awesome convertible. We're first checking out the Field Museum where they are having a very cool promotion - Target Second Mondays. Free admission to everything! Then, probably to browse at the American Girl Store. Yay!!!

See y'all Tuesday!

WW - Mommy, what's that??

2008-10-08T00:00:00.000-04:00

I had almost forgotten about this little gem...when M about 13-14 months old, we took her to quite a few animal places. The zoo, baby animal days at the agricultural college, the metropark with a working farm. Husband had taken a ton of pictures, per usual. We were in the car after one of these excursions and he was checking out what he had taken. All of a sudden, he started laughing hysterically, so much that he was actually crying and just about out of breath.

Here's why:

Completely and totally accidental. And priceless, if I say so myself.

Uh, yeah.

2008-10-06T00:00:00.000-04:00

Is it wrong of me to covet the youngish lads pictured in the entryway of Abercrombie and Fitch? These dudes could be my pool boys ANY.DAY. I mean, I'm too old (and too cheap) to go in that store anymore, but oh, mama, walking by there, seeing those pictures, smelling that cologne. Wow.

Haiku Friday - Sunsets

2008-10-03T00:00:00.000-04:00

How can I describe

the calm when I see all the

colors of sunset?

******

Okay, so maybe that doesn't make total sense. What does make sense? West Michigan sunsets. Seriously, they rock. Of course, this was only taken over my "pond" in the backyard, but the colors were still completely awesome. I was actually sad when I knew I couldn't catch the rest of this sunset over the big lake - it would've taken me 10 minutes to drive there and this is clearly the last of it.

So that's one reason I love living here, despite my post the other day.

Sigh of relief and sheepish realization

2008-10-01T12:00:00.000-04:00

*This ended up being a much longer post than I intended. Thanks for getting through the whole thing, if you do.*

First of all, huge sigh of relief...we now own only one house! We discussed it on the way home and decided that the way we did things ended up working out for the best. If we'd waited to move and husband had commuted, we'd still be stuck in a tiny house in a suburb in which I no longer wanted to live.

And now, for a little sheepish realization.

While we were hanging out in the town of Large Midwestern Big 10 University, I realized something that I never thought possible. Driving past the stadium (on a football Saturday, what kind of a dumbass am I?), through campus, past the building of my favorite job, shopping at the brand new Whole Foods Market, I had a discomforting feeling.

I was homesick.

Discomfort was the flavor of the day, because quite honestly, I didn't want to admit it. I had hounded my husband about moving elsewhere, as we were both really tired of the sardine suburb we lived in and no longer wanted the long commutes. I wanted better schools for my child, and a larger yard for her to play in. I wanted to be home before 6:30 at night.

We moved to our first house from an apartment in the town of LMB10U (see above) because at the time, I was in grad school and only making a part time secretarial salary. The suburb we moved to had houses we could afford, whereas LMB10U did not - I mean, we couldn't even afford a crackhouse there. Our mortgage payment was only $150 more than our rent was. But we were only 30 minutes away, and my in-laws were there so there were plenty of reasons to go back.

Husband tried to find a job near there, but without finding a job at the University, there weren't that many opportunities for someone with his work experience...it's kind of a specialized field.

Then came the posting for West Michigan. He applied, got the job, and we packed it up and moved to Beverly. We were back in "my" territory. Back where my maiden name is recognizable to most people. Back where my Dutch heritage is celebrated. Back nearer to my family, but with a good buffer zone. My husband loves our house. He loves where we live. He loves our yard, and the fact that he's justified in having a riding mower.

I, on the other hand, am sort of miserable.

I am different than a lot of these people. My whole view on life is different now, after spending 10 years of my life in what I think of as "granola city". I am waaaaaay more liberal than I used to be. While my religious views haven't changed greatly from that of my childhood (that and my husband is the same denomination as me, so there's no contention in that regard), my way of practicing is extremely different than around here. (No, I'm not Wiccan.) People around here are incredibly conservative, some won't even mow their lawn on Sunday. They go to church twice a week. I'm lucky if I get to service once every couple of months. I feel like my dry, somewhat asinine sense of humor isn't appreciated. I feel like the fact that I work out of the home is looked down upon, like I don't care about my kid enough to stay home (there are a ton of homeschoolers out here, and way more SAHMs than not).

I feel more at home with the granola people. The liberal, melting pot mix of people feels more like home to me. I want to live there again; to hear the planes with the advertising banners overhead on football Saturdays. To see the Goodyear Blimp flying overhead on big game days. To complain about the traffic for the annual summer art fair, but go anyway. To drag husband to shows at the Purple Rose Theatre. To be within an hour of most excellent malls. To be near my friends.

There is always a possibility for husband to move back. His job can be based out of that area, although it would still be a commute. I can get a job most anywhere, although it might not be my dream setting. I found myself looking at the real estate ads this Sunday, mentioning probably too many times (subtlety is not my forte) how inexpensive houses are out there right now.

What the hell am I doing to myself? *slap slap* I guess I'm just one of those people for whom "the grass is always greener...." was written. I'll get over it eventually.

But I'm still homesick.

Updates...

2008-09-25T00:02:00.001-04:00

Snoopy dancing idea courtesy of Tuli :)

I let out a proverbial HUGE sigh of relief earlier today. My dad can take a break from chemo; the scan showed nothing new! Actually, I guess nothing lit up besides his sternum -which was something that showed up in the very beginning as well, but the oncologist we saw at large midwestern university said she wasn't convinced it was anything since he'd just had heart stents placed. So we'll take it!!!

And in other good news, we CLOSE ON OUR OLD HOUSE Friday afternoon!!!!!!

I'm celebrating this weekend. Celebrating EVERYTHING.

Thanks for all your thoughts...I'm not sure it's possible to convey how much they are/were appreciated! *Hugs*

WW - My craftiness knows no bounds

2008-09-24T07:26:00.002-04:00

Not a very good picture, but this is the shrinky dink luggage tag I made for my kiddo's backpack. The picture is a stamp that I colored in with permanent markers, and the template was printed off the shrinky dink website. Not bad, considering it was my first foray into these things!

How is it possible

2008-09-23T21:23:00.003-04:00

that I have been on this earth for thirty*mmphh* years and have JUST NOW found out the sheer wonder and awesomeness of Shrinky Dinks? OMG, they are sooooo cool. For the record, I did want them as a kid, but thought for some reason that you needed to have an oven with a window, otherwise they would not work. We did not have a windowed oven in our harvest gold range while I was growing up. And admittedly, after watching it through my oven window this evening, it would not have been nearly as satisfying.

Nervousness

2008-09-22T07:05:00.002-04:00

So husband is taking Molly with him this week when he works out of town, so she can see her grandparents. Normally, this is pretty okay with me, although it's getting harder and harder the older she gets - I miss her TONS.

This week? I'm nervous.

I'm always a little on edge the weeks that my dad gets results of his quarterly PET scans. Up to this point, the results have been positive, meaning that the damn cancer is being beaten back. The reason I'm extra nervous this time is because he's only been getting one of the chemo meds - the platinum based stuff has been stopped for now, because his creatinine levels have been slightly higher than they should be. This means his kidneys haven't been as productive as they should be; which is actually pretty normal for someone of his age. But it also means that it's not good to further tax his kidneys with the platinum meds.

So the fact that he's only had one type of med coupled with the fact his kidney counts haven't been great make me scared. Scared that his body is starting to say "enough". And I'm scared that, without the platinum, the damn c will move.

On the plus side, he's happy his hair has started to grow back, and he seems to feel pretty good.

Keep fingers crossed for us.

On another positive note, we have a tentative date for closing on our old house. Next Monday. We are just waiting for a verdict from the second mortgage lender.

Haiku Friday - Getting Political

2008-09-19T00:05:00.000-04:00

Is it wrong of me
to feel insulted because
McCain chose Palin?

Just my opinion
but where is she coming from?
Don't mean Alaska.

I can't vote for them
simply because she's female-
won't fix the problem.

Tired of seeing
her face on every newsstand;
pitbull joke STUPID.

And is it just me,
or does Palin resemble
Megan Mullally?

If they make it to
Washington, it will just be
more of the same.

Monday morning randomness

2008-09-15T00:00:00.000-04:00

I am so. glad. the rain is OVER. Three days of constant rain - and I literally did not see it stop once over the last two days - is too damn much.
It is not easy to entertain a three year old when it is raining for that many days straight. Over the weekend. How do you people with more than one kid do it?!? Unless they entertain each other...
I am also glad I don't live along the Gulf Coast. Yep. Hurricanes and Big Bugs were the deal breaker for me.
I hope the aftermath of Ike is better than Katrina and that cleanup is faster.
As much as I love Chicago, I'm also glad I don't live there right now. Ick.
I swear I'm filing for divorce if I have to unball my husband's socks one more time.
My husband is, well, to put it bluntly, a p-i-g pig.
I decided to try out my new Sonicare UV Sanitizer on our toothbrushes. I took the brush head off my toothbrush, and it was fine save for a little bit of dried paste gunk. My husband's? Well, the man can't brush his teeth without slobbering all down the handle of his toothbrush, and when I took the brush head off? OMG. I thought I was going to vomit. I can't even describe what I saw. I made him come up and clean it out himself. He acted like it was no big deal. Sometimes I really hate him.
Another thing I hate? The hand lotion/nail buffer people who accost you from their mall kiosk. I think I mentioned this before, which shows you just how much I can't stand them.
Why did I have to choose to live in a town that has absolutely NO OTHER option for phone service except their rinky dink local phone company? I mean, I think I may be living in the last part of the US that does not have Gigondous Phone Company as an option. This town has a state university in it! And for internet? I have a whopping two choices. TV? Yep, basically two choices, unless I go back to Direct TV. I just might. I hate Charter.
I really don't feel like working this week. But I'd probably get bored staying home too.
I really want this house thing to be OVER. We've been trying to get in touch with the bank that holds the equity line to see what they say, but the ONLY APPARENT PERSON WHO DEALS WITH THESE SALES was out of town. AGAIN. How, might I ask, does a huge bank that is merging with an even bigger bank in a very large midwest town have only ONE PERSON on this type of thing? What a load of crap.

Here's hoping I get happier soon. Thanks for reading -

Haiku Friday - Redemption

2008-09-12T07:59:00.005-04:00

Husband bought for me

A digital camera

Replacing what's lost

********

Redeeming himself,

he wanted an SLR.

Expensive - I'd flip!

Milestones

2008-09-11T00:00:00.000-04:00

1 year ago, I was settling into my new home and job.
5 years ago, I was a new Master's graduate.
10 years ago, I was a newlywed.
15 years ago, it became legal for me to have an alcoholic beverage.
20 years ago, I got my driver's license (holy crap).
30 years ago, I was just starting first grade.

No offense to the rest of you who share these milestones, but

HOLY SH*T. I AM OLD.

(7 years ago, I was sleeping in on a day off when I found out about the unspeakable acts of violence being committed on our country. I will always think of those people and families that were forever changed that day. Doesn't that really include all of us?)

WW - Favorite Places

2008-09-10T06:54:00.003-04:00

For other people, exotic locales are the only places they'll vacation.

For me, there's nothing I love more than crossing the five mile long Mighty Mac (did you see the Dirty Jobs episode?) to go to the Upper Peninsula.

Grrrr....

2008-09-09T20:48:00.002-04:00

Husband LOST THE CAMERA. With the pictures from our very awesome spots at the Huey Lewis concert!

He's sleeping outside tonight. Asshat.

Eye Candy Monday

2008-09-08T07:41:00.004-04:00

I thought maybe this would be a good day to start off with a little eye candy...don't we all need a pick-me-up on a Monday morning? This, ladies, is my new boyfriend:

This is Matt, the "go-to-guy" (aka handyman) on Clean House, which is my new show obsession. He has a goofy sense of humor (*sigh*), can fix things, has big muscles and a crooked smile (with good teeth), and is SMART. The guy actually has an M.D., but left during his internship to pursue acting (okay, so smart might be a matter of opinion).

H.O.T.

From the mouth of babe...

2008-09-05T22:24:00.003-04:00

Last weekend at a craft fair, we bought Molly one of those little balloon yo-yos that have a string made of a rubber band. Last night, she brought it to me and asked, "Mommy, can you make this yo?"

Embarrassing Moment Thursday

2008-09-04T09:40:00.006-04:00

I love me a good embarrassing moment story. My husband has several (that I bring up to him repeatedly), which I will certainly share in the future. I'd like to say I'm perfect, but, well, I know that's complete and utter BS.

This is one of my stories that inevitably gets brought up when I'm with my childhood friends.

As a teenager, I was blessed with facial skin that was pretty clear. I rarely had pimples. But oh, when I did get one, it was usually a monster. And this one was the mother of monstrous pimples. This was a ZIT. And a zit that was in a most unfortunate place - the crevice right beside my nose...you know the area. Yep. Touch it, and your eyes water like Niagara Falls. This one was so big, my friend's mom actually said, "Honey, that thing needs a name."

She dubbed it Regina, and Regina lives on in infamy.

I tried my best to hide Regina from view. Concealer really didn't do much, it only caked on the surface and further accentuated the large, forming head. But since nobody really ever commented on it (besides my wonderful and supportive girlfriends), I started to think that it wasn't that awful. I mean, it hurt like a bitch, but maybe it wasn't that visible since it was in the crevice of my nose. I just wanted her to develop a damn HEAD already so I could pop her!

So one day I'm sitting in choir. A lull comes up in the room as we were (supposed to be) studying our parts for whatever. I felt a sneeze coming on and tried to stifle it, but instead of stifling it, I managed to loudly project the air out through my lips, which made a really huge buzzing noise (anyone who plays a brass instrument probably knows this noise).

From the back of the room, I hear, "it popped!". Then, laughter, as the room openly mocked my zit. Ouch. It was mainly good natured ribbing, but I was still mortified.

So there you have it. Regina. The bitch that dug just a little bit more into my teenage self-esteem. Enjoy your laughter at my expense!

WW - Dopey snaps!

2008-09-03T00:00:00.000-04:00

Apparently, Dopey got damn sick and tired of Sneezy's incessant sneezing.

Another image from our trip to Storybook Gardens...

Reason #5,609 that I don't live on the Gulf Coast

2008-09-02T00:00:00.000-04:00

NO HURRICANES.

I'm not sure whether to be pissed for the people that evacuated or what. I mean, after what happened with Katrina, why would you want to take the chance? Wouldn't you rather "the authorities" made you leave than run the risk of dealing with major flooding again?

And do these people pay more for their homeowner's insurance? I have to say that they probably should...if you choose to live in an area that's below sea level, you should pay higher premiums. Sorry if you happen to run into my blog and don't agree, but that's the reason I live in my upper midwest state. I used to pay more than double what I pay now, simply because I used to live in the same county in which Detroit was also in. Even though my old neighborhood was perfectly safe, with very little crime, both my car and my home insurance were insanely expensive.

And speaking of that home, the bank has accepted the potential buyer's offer, and the buyer has agreed to wait for all the paperwork b.s. to be taken care of. We just need to find out if they've contacted the holder of the equity loan yet and if they'll let some money go for the buyer's closing costs (which he asked us to pick up). I feel like we need a lawyer, but I don't want to pay a bazillion dollars just to get some advice! I can't tell you how many times I've given advice to people once they find out I'm a speech pathologist...for free! So any lawyers out there want to trade advice - got a late talking kid or one with articulation issues? ;-)

Heading Out

2008-08-28T00:00:00.000-04:00

to see this guy in concert once again:

Stop coughing *dork!* under your breath. I like him. I feel relatively young when I'm at his concerts. We're going with good friends. So nyah!

WW - Good uncles are hard to find...

2008-08-27T00:00:00.001-04:00

As some of you know, I am unable to actually be wordless. This is my daughter at about 21 months of age with my oldest brother (19 years older than me, to be precise). He's reading If You Take a Mouse to the Movies, which was her favorite book at the time. Even now when she sees him, which she hasn't much lately since he's been working in Minnesota for the past 4 months (he's in construction, and there aren't many jobs around here right now), she brings him book after book to read. It's adorable, and quite hilarious. He completely adores her (I like to think it's because she reminds him so much of his adorable little sister, for whom he built this box house). This is one of my mom's favorite pictures. You may be able to see why.

True Confession Tuesday

2008-08-26T00:00:00.001-04:00

Even though it's been several weeks since I've attempted TCT, I like having a theme at least a few days a week. It gives me some structure and ideas, which I will very much need now that I'm back to work.

So without further ado, here it goes:

I am having Golden Girls withdrawal.

Yeah, that's what I meant. And I'm not embarrassed to say it aloud - I'd shout it from the rooftops! More St. Olaf and Sicily stories! More jokes about what a tramp Blanche is! More references to Dorothy's mannishness!

And while I didn't watch the show every day, it was a ritual with me...if I happened to be home by myself in the morning, Lifetime would be turned on while I showered. That way, I could watch/listen to the shows while I readied myself for my days of, well, non-accomplishment. And, as always, the good old (stress old) Golden Girls always delivered.

A close second on the lazy ass TV watching? Little House on the Prairie. Show me a girl who claims she doesn't like that show, and I'll show you a girl who is a LIAR. Likewise with a girl who doesn't cry at something on the show. LHOTP is a close second only because I don't really care for the later episodes, you know the ones...where Cassandra and whats-his-name show up. Jason Bateman didn't get hot until Silver Spoons, so that was no added bonus.

Karma is biting me...

2008-08-25T00:00:00.000-04:00

right in the jaw. To be specific, the left jaw muscle. OMG, it hurts.

While in grad school, I worked part time as a medical secretary to a oral & maxillofacial surgeon at a large midwestern university whose colors are NOT green and white. This surgeon was known for his guru-ness in TMJ (temporomandibular joint) disorders (I just had to see if I could still type it as I did when transcribing). One of my duties was to schedule patients who needed a consultation on their TMJ disorders...it would drive me nuts when people would call and say "I have TMJ and need to see someone,". Uh, yeah. Most everyone has a TMJ, dumbass.

I digress. My point was that I always thought of these people as incredibly whiny and pretty annoying. Wow. I am the biggest a**hole on earth. Because over the past few days? I've been experiencing at least some of that kind of pain, and it sucks.

I had a bite splint made several months ago on the recommendation of my new dentist, who told me that the culprit of my gum recession was not, in fact, due to my vigorous brushing habits, but rather from clenching or grinding my teeth. I was basically unaware that I was clenching or grinding, but apparently the wear pattern on my teeth was indicative. Okay. So give me one of those $500 pieces of plastic that insurance will only cover at 50%, I guess. I wore it pretty religiously for a number of weeks, even though I really didn't like wearing it...I mean, I hated wearing my retainer at night because it gagged me. Then I stopped wearing the splint because I was starting to get some muscle pain from it...I was like, what the hell!? This is supposed to keep me from having pain, not cause it! And I had every intention of returning to my dentist and telling him it needed adjustments, but never did.

And then the stressfulness of the past 3 weeks came upon me.

I guess I must have been clenching and grinding like a fiend, because last Monday and Tuesday I had pain mostly in my left cheek/jaw joint area. Wednesday it was radiating to my head, temple, and chin. Holy mother, it felt like someone was stabbing me with dull metal toothpicks. At this point, it was hard to tell whether the pain was originating from my back molars (one of which has a pret-ty deep filling, unfortunately), my jaw muscle, or my sinuses (allergies have been nasty lately in my neck o'the woods). Thursday was more of the same, and I was going crazy. So I made an emergency appointment with the dentist. He took x-rays of my back molars and declared that situation okay. (phew, no root canal looming) His prescription? Wear.your.splint. And take copious amounts of Ibuprofen. So I've been wearing it the past few nights, and trying to consciously relax my jaw. It seems to be working, cause I've been able to cut down from 4 advils every 5 hours.

Did you know that women suffer from TMJ disorder and/or associated muscle pain far more often than men? Supposedly it's because we tend to carry our stress in our necks, shoulders, and jaws. You know what I think that means? We have perfect excuses for weekly massages, preferably from tanned, handsome, buff men who are not gay. In fact, I order you now, woman friends, to seek one of these said massages STAT.

You'll thank me later.

And by the way, to add to my stress level, we got an offer on our old house. Only took 54 weeks. It's for $14,000 less than the list price and $56,000 less than the mortgage balance. Now we have to wait and see if the bank will accept the offer and release our shackles. Oy. Keep your fingers crossed, pray, send good karma, whatever it is you might do to wish us a speedy end to this ever present stress.

Oh yes, and I have to go back to work today. Full time. *Sob*

I'll stop whining, at least for now.

Saturday Funny

2008-08-23T08:36:00.002-04:00

One of the funniest SNL commercials evah!

Aaaaak!

2008-08-22T20:55:00.002-04:00

I just finished reading "Loving Frank" by Nancy Horan. If you haven't heard of it, ~~crawl out from under your rock~~ it's about this Illinois housewife's affair with Frank Lloyd Wright. I really didn't have any expectations, other than it was highly praised and in that Bookmarked thing by Target. I saw it at the Taliesin gift shop when we stopped by there on our way to the House on the Rock. I didn't even peek at the end of the book like I sometimes do.

Oy. I almost wish I had peeked, so I knew what was coming. Suffice it to say that it did NOT end well, and I don't just mean that they broke up. I finished the book late at night, reading by booklight. Freaked me right the hell out.

I won't say any more, just in case the three of you who read this regularly want to read it for yourselves. ;-) It really was a good book, though.

To explain the quiz...

2008-08-21T08:32:00.004-04:00

Well, I have questions for all of you, and stick with me 'cause this will be a long post.

I'm heading back to work in a matter of a few days and will now be full time (I've pretty much always worked full time before last year...and I only took the 80% appointment with the idea that I would be full time in the future). Anyway. I recently got a brochure in the mail for a cleaning company. I kept it, thinking that maybe I'd call to see how much it would run for every other week. Pre-Molly, when I was first out of grad school and working long hours 45 minutes away from home, we indulged in a cleaning service for several months. It was nice, but we stopped after noticing that things weren't always getting done (that we were paying for), plus I found out I was pregnant and freaked out about the cost of daycare, diapers, etc.

A few weeks ago, I was at a home visit (at a very, very nice home that was at least 2500 sq. ft.) and this cleaning service was there. I asked the mom how she liked it and she chatted it up...even told me how much she was paying without me actually asking - $80 biweekly! That's what I was paying at the old house for 1000 sq. ft.! Naturally that piqued my interest. When I called, my phone estimate was $65-85 biweekly. I just need to have the in-home estimate to find out a firm price.

More recently, I was talking with someone (my therapist) and mentioned the cleaning service. then I mentioned that, even more than cleaning, I'd LOVE to find someone that would maybe once a week prepare/assemble meals that could be frozen and brought out later for dinners. And...she told me about this place called Alicat Kitchens, which is a place where you can go and assemble your own meals using their food, etc., but you can also have them make them for you to pick up. The place isn't really close to my house, but it's right around the corner from my husband's office. Now, I really hate grocery shopping (unless it's at Whole Foods, and we don't have any around here *sob*) and I'm not very good at it. We end up running back to the store a few times per week for 1-2 things. Or we say "screw it" and go out to eat. For 12 full meals (that serve 4-6 people; we're only 3) that include meats and two sides each, it would be $180. When looking at the cost of running back and forth to the store, going out to eat, and the time, we probably spend at least that. I'm going to look at the numbers to make sure. Since the meals are larger than we need, we would have leftovers for either another meal or for next day lunches. The only thing we'd need is a chest freezer, and we were planning to get one anyway.

Hence the quiz. What do y'all think about my dilemma? Now, I know that these things sound incredibly spoiled, but believe me, I don't buy myself a lot of other things...I don't spend hundreds of dollars on purses or shoes (well, except a couple pairs of Danskos that I own), I shop sales a LOT, and most of Molly's daycare clothes are consignment or Target's Circo brand. We don't go on big, expensive vacations. (And just because I need to get this out, you know the neighbor that I referenced earlier this week? She spent $1600 on a Prada purse so she could have it for her 10 year class reunion. Six.teen.hundred.dollars. Oh HELL no.) And we don't buy alcohol. These things would absolutely be luxuries for us, and I think it would cut down on my stress level and help me feel more like spending time with my family. (I would not be telling my siblings about this, either. They would never let me hear the end of it. Ever.)

Thanks for sticking with it! And take the quiz down below!

Poll: Which luxury should I consider paying money for?

2008-08-21T08:30:00.001-04:00

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

WW - Allow me to toot my own horn...

2008-08-20T00:00:00.000-04:00

Can I just say that I am not generally a crafty person. I have lofty aspirations for myself, but many projects I envision myself doing either never get finished, or hell, never even get started. (I'm sure there are some others out there).

That being said (even though this is Wordless Wednesday), I did finish this:

The spools around the edge are for hanging hair elastics, necklaces, bracelets, or whatever might need to hang. The ribbons in the middle are, well, for barrettes and clips. When she gets older, she can use the ribbons for earrings. I got a little ahead of myself and, instead of buying pink acrylic paint (pre-mixed), I bought a set of acrylics with the idea of mixing whatever color I might need. Um, yeah. The art major husband really didn't help me out much with the color mixing, so it wasn't exactly the shade of pink I had in mind. Oh well. And as for her name, it's not centered (I did try to pencil it in beforehand, but just sort of said Screw it) and in a fit of extreme stupidity, tried to freehand with a paintbrush. That was so many kinds of stupid, I can't even express it adequately. If I ever attempt another one of these, I will definitely be using a paint pen for the name.

What do you think? Should I try another prototype and try selling these babies on Etsy? Be honest!

Cop-Out Meme

2008-08-19T07:08:00.002-04:00

Meme borrowed from Tuli...I have ideas swimming around but don't feel like typing them out just yet.

So, with that, I give you...

THIS IS ME:
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: dishwater blonde/light brown (depending on the day)
Dyed or Natural: highlighted
Curly or Straight: Wavy if I coax it while drying
Right- or Left-handed: right
Tan or Pale: Pretty much pale.
Jeans or Khakis: jeans
Country, Rap, or Rock: Rock
Car: 2003 Honda Accord V-6...and when this one craps out it'll be a Honda CR-V in that light green
Place in order of preference--T.V., book, movie, music: book, tv, music, movie
Your heritage: Dutch & German
Shoes you're wearing today: fake Ugg slippers from Costco (it is 7:16 a.m. after all)
Your weakness(es): books; shoes; clothes for my daughter
Your perfect pizza: thin crust, either with pepperoni or a mediterranean spinach/feta/tomato theme. Must be thin crust, though.
Favorite color: navy blue
Favorite place: anywhere up north, preferably along Lake Michigan
Goal you'd like to achieve: to have a house on the big lake someday...
Your most overused phrase(s): Criminy! or Excuse me, Mrs. Monroe
Your thoughts first waking up: Not yet!
Your best physical feature(s): eyes
Your bedtime: usually around 10:30 (when working)
Your most missed memory: lazy summer days with my best girlfriends
Pepsi or Coke: Cherry Coke Zero (which, by the way, Wisconsin has NEVER HEARD OF)
McDonald's or Burger King: eww.
Single or group dates: group
Adidas or Nike: Saucony
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Magical Mint Mate by Guayaki
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: neither - not a coffee drinker

Just wondering...

2008-08-18T00:00:00.001-04:00

Remember this week, when I had to pick up my car in Chicago? Well, I volunteered to take my neighbor, so as to be somewhat social. She likes to ~~talk~~ gossip, and, well, I listen. I admit, I like me some good gossip. It's not a friendship made in heaven - heck, it might not be much of a friendship at all, but that's a story for another time.

Shortly after we moved in, I discovered that she knows some people that I went to school with - one that was in my class, and one that was a year behind me (and is a niece of my ex-sister-in-law, so cousins to 2 of my nephews. I'm from a small town.). In school, I was friendly with, but not friends with these girls. Apparently, they told her that I was "had another level" of friends and was sort of "above them". WTF? I mean, my friends and I were involved in things like music and theater, and also were pretty good students, but we certainly were no Benny & Steff of Pretty in Pink or anything. My dad was a truck driver, FFS (to borrow a phrase from Tuli)!

So I took the opportunity on our trip to find out exactly what they meant, because I was sort of offended. I guess these girls were basically calling me a goody-two-shoes.

Why am I offended by this? What the hell is wrong with being a goody-two-shoes? I guess if they mean I didn't "party" (which is a term that I absolutely hate - I think it sounds so stupid), they'd be pretty much right. When my friends were drinking Robitussin (did anyone else go through that stage?), I chose not to participate. I mean, why would I drink that shit simply for the alcohol content when it tastes horrible? I never wanted to try smoking; I never thought it smelled even remotely good and really didn't think it looked all that cool. That's not to say I didn't have my times with alcohol, because I did. The encounters just weren't all that exciting, and I didn't like how it made me feel (sort of nauseous). I don't like the taste of beer. So I chose not to imbibe. It goes without saying that I've not tried any sort of drug whatever. Does that mean a person is a goody-two-shoes? And why is that label so cruel sounding?

I've often wondered what it was that my parents did to instill this in me - is it genetic? My father, who grew up in a time where MANY people smoked, especially men, never did. Never even tried it. He claims it was because when he would ride with my grandpa (while they worked as loggers), grandpa would light up cigars and smoke...with the windows rolled up. He (grandpa) didn't like having the windows down, so my dad would be trapped in a truck cab filled with smelly cigar smoke. He said it nauseated him. My dad isn't a big drinker, either. He might have a beer (PBR me ASAP) on a hot summer day after mowing the lawn, and I've seen him have the occasional rum and coke, but other than that? Nothing much. My mother grew up with a German immigrant father, who frequented the Moose Lodge after work. I'm not sure if he really fit the "alcoholic" label, but my mom maintained he drank too much. And smoking never crossed her mind either.

I don't remember my parents being preachy about these vices, I just knew that their opinion was that they were unnecessary. And for whatever reason, I agreed.

That being said, I know how to swear. In fact, I enjoy a good round of swearing if I'm pissed off in the car (learning how to control that with a 3 year old in tow) or at my husband, or at the world. I know who to swear in front of (my mom = NOT okay). I also have a raunchy sense of humor and know that I have to be careful who to show that to. I have LOTS of strong opinions, some that probably go against the majority. My husband says that I'm liberal with a conservative streak. I guess that fits pretty well. I know that, if my daughter chooses to sneak alcohol as a teenager, she'll have to go elsewhere to find it, since we don't even keep any in the house. I'm cheap. My husband might get a beer at dinner sometimes, but usually only when we're dining with friends. Again, I'm cheap. And if I do drink? It's usually something fruity or mixed with coffee or ice cream, and typically I only have one.

Why do I still feel the need to be almost apologetic for who I am? And who the hell cares anymore? I mean, I graduated 18 frigging years ago and this is not a John Hughes movie. Like I told husband as we were discussing this today, I feel that people who are 35 years old should have their shit together by now, and not go out "partying" just for the sake of getting wasted. My idea of fun is having a game night with my best buds, laughing, eating, and having a good time. Alcohol may or may not be involved. I don't feel like I judge people who choose to have a drink, unless it's to excess and they look idiotic. I don't think sitting at a bar is especially fun, either. The guy I dated (and almost married) before my husband used to go to the bar almost every night. I'd go like a dutiful girlfriend and be the designated driver. But I was bored. Stiff. The one good thing that came of all those nights was that I got damn good at darts and bumper pool.

I guess the one thing I'm trying to get out of this long, rambling piece of crap post is - am I a goody-two-shoes? Am I being holier than thou? Does anyone share my opinion on all this? Let me have it...tell me what you think.

Haiku Friday

2008-08-15T00:00:00.000-04:00

********

I am in a funk

but don't know what's causing it.

Wish it'd go away.

********

Work looming? Weight gain?

I can't reach inside myself

to figure it out.

********

Hate when I'm restless,

from one thing to another;

so unproductive.

********

Now I ask you this-

make me laugh, people! I know

someone there can help.

Need ideas...

2008-08-14T08:37:00.002-04:00

My kiddo's last day at her daycare is tomorrow - the main provider is going to be having major surgery so they'll be closed until after Labor Day. M will be starting preschool in a couple weeks anyway. Even though we've only been with this daycare just a couple weeks shy of a year (since we moved), we've all loved it for M...they basically ~~helped us~~ potty trained her and have been WONDERFUL with setting a good foundation for preschool and beyond.

My question is - what do you get, gift-wise, for these occasions? I got both providers (it's a small in-home daycare) bookstore gift cards for Christmas. Is it cheesy to do that again, maybe in larger amounts? Over the past couple of months, we've donated toys and books to them for use with the kids, so that's been done. I personally would ALWAYS be happy with a bookstore gift card, so I guess that's why it's stuck in my head.

Any opinions? Ideas?

WW - horrified by Humpty

2008-08-13T00:00:00.000-04:00

This was taken at one of the cooler tourist traps in Wisconsin Dells - Storybook Gardens. These nursery rhyme scenes were all over, with animals thrown in for good measure (zebras, monkeys, giraffes, etc.). I loved the retro-ness of the scenes; they reminded me of a very similar, but smaller awesome place I used to go as a kid. Mein Gott in Himmel, I need a haircut, STAT. And can you see how those gigondous birthing hips squeezed out a 9 lb. 6 oz. kid in 30 minutes?

Interruptions

2008-08-12T22:10:00.003-04:00

I'm tired.

Got up early yesterday morning to get the kid to an 8 am dentist appointment. This morning it was to the outpatient surgery center at 6:45 am for PE tubes (after which she puked grape juice while riding in my rental vehicle). Since I live in the middle of BFE nowhere, these appointments involve us getting out the door at least 45 minutes before the appointment time, which means that my ass is up much earlier than my husband's. Yes, I'm whining. Live with it.

Tomorrow I have to get up early and drive to the Chicago area, where I will be retrieving my car from the dealership service department. The awesome thing is that, rather than shelling out $3700, I will only be shelling out $1300. The factory sent a transmission and is not making me pay for it (I think they know that this particular part from this particular year/make of car is crap - I've seen MANY posts and complaints online for my very problem), I only have to pay for labor. And hey, while I'm there unfettered by husband or child, I might as well do some shopping, right?

Vacay Day One - A Photo Essay (if I don't get totally irritated by formatting issues)

2008-08-11T00:01:00.000-04:00

We got on this:

It was not smooth sailing until we got closer to Milwaukee, so husband and daughter got a dose of this:

I survived without it. Wonder woman!

Land ho! This is where all the seasick people who were lying on deck got up and cheered. It was windy as hell but felt awesome.

After unloading the cars, we went to look for some lunch. Since our GPS was actually unpacked, we were in charge of finding sustenance. For some reason, my GPS got totally whacked out in Wisconsin. It told us there was an Applebee's where there was, in fact, a dead-end street. This was the first of several dozen times that I wanted to chuck the TomTom out the window. Thankfully, there was a Honeybaked Ham deli place around the corner.

After lunch, we went here:

and my cheap dutch self was glad because we had reciprocal zoo passes and got in for free (although $10 for parking seemed a bit steep).

My child so desperately wanted money to use these freaky "foot massagers". Cheap parental unit made her be satisfied with just sitting for a photo op. I did think one of those might come in handy for mommy. *wink wink*

My husband loves to (try to) take those cheesy hold-the-camera-at-arm's-length-to-get-a-cute-shot photos. This was my defense:

I don't do cutesy very well. Is it that obvious?

After the zoo, we checked into the hotel and let the guys go out on their man-date while the children went to bed. Let me tell you, it's an exciting evening sprawling out in the dark on one of two double beds while your kid sleeps on the other at 8 p.m. TG I had my book light and my copy of Time Bandit. The guys went here, where my husband had the "best. brat. ever." (which, I can attest, equals worst. farts. ever.):

And, since the male half of our vacation buddies loves to visit breweries, they went here:

and here:

And that ends Day One. More to come. Can you stand the suspense?

We're baaaaaaack!

2008-08-08T22:52:00.003-04:00

Home now, minus my car. It had to stay in Chicagoland since it needs a new transmission. What a fun thing to have happen on vacation, huh? I have to go back and pick it up next week sometime; not looking forward to revisiting orange barrels ALL. THE. WAY. Oh well.

Photos and stories to follow later. I'm damn tired.

Dells Insanity

2008-08-06T10:24:00.002-04:00

Just a couple things:

1. Wisconsin Dells is a CRAZY town. I don't see how they have anyone live here year round. The traffic is monstrous.

2. This place needs a decent laundromat that's open past 9pm. The one we ended up using was seriously ICK.

That's all for now.

Haiku Friday

2008-08-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

Off we go on the

morrow. Across the big lake

and east to the Dells.

********

With good friends and their

daughter; she and Molly will

have good times playing.

********

Mini golf but no

water shows. Lake Delton has

drained away. Oh well.

********

No expectations here.

First time visiting the Dells.

Want a getaway.

********

Gone for a week, so

keep the 'net warm for me and

I'll miss you all. Bye!

10 9 Things that gross/creep me out

2008-07-31T00:00:00.001-04:00

1. Mushy, starchy foods like mashed potatoes

2. Peanut butter on bread (too sticky or something - I've never really been able to pinpoint what I don't like about it)

3. As a kid, I loved swimming lessons but hated walking on the sopping wet tile, especially with the wet fuzz and mystery hairs that were rampant all over. I still get the heebies just thinking about it.

5. HATE.feet. I can barely stand to hear the word 'toenails'. It grosses me out just to type it. Eww.

6. There must NOT be errant hairs in the shower when I get in. This ties in with #4. Eww.

7. If I find my husband's body hair on my soap, I go ballistic. Especially when it's my favorite bar of Bliss soap. Note to self: get him his own soap for birthday. Actually, get him his own bathroom so he can drip pee on the floor and hair it up to his heart's content. Why do I have him around, anyway?

8. Men who have long fingernails.

9. Smoker fingernails. They're all thick and yellow and nasty. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

10. Chipped nail polish. JUST TAKE IT OFF ALREADY.

WW - Caption This

2008-07-30T00:00:00.000-04:00

I can't think of a good caption. Any ideas?

Weekend Bullet Points

2008-07-29T21:22:00.004-04:00

1. On Friday night (rehearsal), the girl was WIRED. SIL actually had an idea that a 3 year old would be capable of standing at the altar for the duration of the 30 minute ceremony. Uh, yeah. The rehearsal cured that notion.

2. Friday night's activities included the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and "open house". All of them a requirement for husband and I. SIL gets tiny cake for husband's and my 10th anniversary. Woo hoo.

3. Saturday: I was able to get out for an AM hour of shopping at my favorite large health food grocery store, which we do not have in my new neck of the woods. I keep stalking their website and requesting a store, hopefully they'll listen one of these days.

4. "Bridal luncheon" at noon. Parmesan crusted whitefish. YUM. Tasted even better because I didn't have to pay for it.

5. Rush back to IL's house to get dressed. Pics for family at 3:30.

6. Rode with IL's to church rather than take two cars (they have a mini-van). This is significant later on.

7. Ceremony happens. Daughter walks down the aisle excellently, but instead of stopping where MIL and I are sitting, she goes up to the front to stand by daddy at the altar. Whoops. She gets tired after a few minutes, asks to be picked up. Husband holds her for a little bit, then sets her down and tells her to go sit by mommy. She does without talking loudly. Yay!

8. Everyone goes out to church steps for a picture of all guests. Swelter in humid, 80+ degree full late afternoon sun. Perhaps wearing black wasn't such a good idea. Sweat possibly starting to pool in Spanx. Husband's head looking shiny.

9. Tell FIL to get the van's air going full blast, we're going back inside to get bags, hangers, etc. Come back out to VAN NO WHERE TO BE FOUND. Walk around church in bewilderment. STILL NO IN-LAWS. Call MIL's cell phone. STRAIGHT TO VOICE MAIL. Yep. They left without us. WITHOUT THEIR SON, GRANDCHILD, AND red headed stepchild of a DAUGHTER IN LAW. Paid no attention to the kid's music blasting on the satellite radio, just got in the van and blindly headed to the reception.

10. Caught ride with groom's sister. No booster for the kid, but oh well. Husband sputtered the whole way about disowning his parents. I called my mom to tell her the ceremony went fine and that ILs left us at the church...she about peed herself for laughing. Molly got on the phone and said "daddy's distending grandpa".

11. MIL calls, apologizes profusely.

12. Get to reception, Molly walks up to ILs and announces "you left us on purpose!". She then proceeds to walk around telling everyone else that grandpa left us at the church.

13. Kid maintenance through dinner. Ewww. Hard to relax and enjoy when you're constantly worried about where your kid is.

14. Dancing starts. Child makes beeline for dance floor. Dances with everyone, even people she doesn't know. Does not leave floor the entire evening, EVEN FOR CAKE AND ICE CREAM. We finally peel her off the floor 2 hours past her bedtime.

15. Back at ILs, husband farts loudly. Molly stalks down the hall and announces, "daddy, I don't have time for this tooting!"

16. Blissful sleep.

17. Next morning, caterers arrive to set up for brunch. My god, will this weekend never end?

18. 6 hours later, the weekend as I know it ends. I start for home while husband downloads pictures and child takes nap before they leave for home.

I may do more of a narrative later, but these are the highlights (so to speak). As you might imagine, I'm still exhausted from it all. It's a lot of work acting smiley and happy when all you want to do is veg and sleep. Feel free to ask any burning questions about the festivities. ;)

More later...

2008-07-28T07:47:00.002-04:00

WOTC OVER!!!! Back home. Work this am. ENT for Molly this pm.

Forgotten at church. M charmed everyone. Too cute in dress.

More later.

Haiku Friday - Apology

2008-07-25T06:36:00.003-04:00

Reading, commenting

I've been terrible lately

I will be better.

********

Next week, more relaxed

More time to look at your blogs

before vacation...

********

I feel like a child

chastised for being naughty.

Too bitchy lately.

********

Eventually, you'll get sick of my ranting

2008-07-23T17:58:00.003-04:00

You ever feel like your life (or events therein) is just like a big zit with a shiny, quivering head, ready to explode? Yeah. That's what I feel like right now.

So I've already bitched about the wedding of the century this week. I get a call from the husband today explaining why he can't come home tomorrow after taking care of the yard at the old house (the neighbor kid who is supposed to be mowing and trimming weeds is doing a shit-ass job)...I wanted him to come home so we could take one car over. That reason would be the SIX.PAGE.ITINERARY. that details the WOTC. Starting tomorrow and ending on Sunday. I'm surprised they didn't schedule when people were supposed to be taking their daily crap. I'm practically breaking out in hives with this thing. I wasn't this keyed up about my own damn wedding!

And then tonight, I get this email from husband:

"Stop thinking you have it bad... I'd pay to trade spots with you. I'm sitting in the living room with Dad watching "So you think you can dance". It's blaring at 1,000,000 decibels, and he's also farting up a storm. My mom is also showing dad the beginnings of her "hammer toe". Maybe when you are here you can give your opinion of it."

Aaaah. Four days with the in-laws. I can't. f**king.wait.

Helllllllp meeeeeeeeee.

WW - Pick me from the Dork Line-up

2008-07-23T00:00:00.004-04:00

These are some of my buddies and I, Spring, 9th grade (circa 1988). We had a series of pictures taken as a surprise for another friend, who was moving away at the end of the school year. The pictures were custom framed in a collage and presented to her at a party given in her honor.

********

This was a really, really difficult thing to have happen...I grew up in the same house my parents built shortly after their marriage, the same house they still live in today. My core group of friends, with the exception of the one these pictures were done for, all stayed for the remainder of high school. The one who moved away was naturally easier to lose touch with, although several of us went to her 16th birthday party, came for visits occasionally, and eventually, attended her wedding.

********

This past year, I discovered that I was living and working only about 30 minutes away from this displaced friend. I decided to be brave and showed up with my business card at her office, fully intending to just leave it ,with my contact info on the back, with her receptionist. The receptionist insisted I wait to see if she was getting close to her lunch break. I'm so glad I did, because we've now reconnected. And in many ways, it feels like hardly any time at all has passed between the picture above and now.

********

So now for the fun: take a guess as to which one is moi. Tuli, you may have an unfair advantage, although you claim you don't remember what I look like. ;) I promise to let all of you who guess know if you're right or not.

2008-07-22T00:00:00.000-04:00

This one is embarrassing, people. I'm hoping that someone else will come out and admit they share the same affliction.

You see, ever since I gave birth, my hormones haven't been the same...thus producing:

random, wiry chin hairs that can sprout seemingly instantly.

This causes a slight obsession. Before I go to bed at night and before I get in the shower in the morning, I must check my chin and neck - just in case one of these sneaky f*ck*rs stuck its ugly head out overnight. I carry tweezers in my purse, in my makeup bag, and in my car. Just in case. I try to (sneakily) feel my chin throughout the day and get myself to a mirror if I detect one. I don't know if people just don't notice this act, or they think I'm pensively contemplating life while I feel my face up.

They are the bane of my existence. I vow that, if I ever hit the lottery, the first thing I spend my money on is LASER HAIR REMOVAL. STAT.

Please jeer quietly. I have a fragile ego. Thank you.

Who'd have thought

2008-07-21T00:00:00.001-04:00

that hotels in the Milwaukee area would be so.stinking.expensive? I'm trying to find a place that is reasonable for one night! We're taking the ferry over on Saturday, then going to the zoo and hanging out. Our reservation in the dells doesn't start until Sunday. $140-$150 for one night just seems a little pricey to me, or am I just that cheap?

I am stressed out this week. SILs big hoodoo of a wedding is next Saturday. Husband is leaving tomorrow morning to work in the Ann Arbor area (again), which I suppose works out because he needs to get the final fitting on his tux ($140 to rent. TO RENT.) Which leaves me here to finish my last week of work for the summer stint, take care of my 3 year old, and clean house/pack/etc. to leave on Friday morning (my 10th anniversary, can't even do anything for it because of the hoodoo). Heaven forbid I forget anything. I've been snappish all day (Sunday) in anticipation. I'm tired. I don't want to work this week, but I can't get out of it and can't pass up the per diem $ I'm getting.

DAMMIT. GET ME THROUGH THIS WEEK.

I really think I've been dreading this almost all summer. Yeah, I know. Relax, it's just a wedding. Whatever. The annoyance started when they picked the day after husband's and my 10 year anniversary to get married, thus absolutely nixing any thoughts we might have had of getting away that weekend. Then they have to schedule 4 days of activities that we feel compelled to participate in since husband is her only sibling. I understand the wedding thing, but come on. Do you have to drag it out for so many damn days? People, my Myers-Briggs says I'm an ISFJ. The I in that means INTROVERT. That doesn't mean that I'm a total recluse, 'cause I'm not. But I do get very, very tired when I have to exert the effort to be pleasantly social for long periods of time. I need to recharge myself by getting away from people. Sometimes ALL people, including my husband and daughter. If I didn't have that opportunity on occasion, I would go batsh*t crazy. So the fact that I have to spend 4 days with many people, acting happy all the time, stresses me out to no end. So I'm cranky. Very, very, cranky. Andy Rooney cranky. Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men cranky, only without the funny.

Wow. How did I get from bitching about the price of Wisconsin hotels to the dreadding on Saturday? Must be I needed to vent. And rant. And bitch. Good thing the name of this is Bitchy and Ranty, huh? Thank you, bloggy peeps, for reading. And being there. And leaving me comments. You have no idea how much they make my day...or maybe you do.

I never claimed to be a good one

2008-07-19T07:30:00.001-04:00

As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Poor (Failure)

Take the test!

Haiku Friday - Ode to the Box House

2008-07-18T00:00:00.000-04:00

O beautiful box

turned into a house by my

big brother with love.

********

I still remember

it fondly, all the different

places it became.

********

Playhouse, hospital

school, library, vet office,

space shuttle, hotel.

********

We need to bring back

toys without batteries, so

kids can work their minds.

WW - Heart and Soul

2008-07-16T17:26:00.003-04:00

Can't you just hear the beautiful strains of music now? We had guests a couple weeks ago - my best college buddy ( and vacation buddy - we've vacationed with her and her husband for 8 years and counting) and her daughter stayed with us for a night. Her daughter (Mallory) is 4 months older than Molly and they play together really well. As evidenced, clearly, by the duet they were attempting here.

Pardon my piano. I haven't gotten around to actually arranging stuff up there in a more decorative way yet. My husband mistook the wasp trap for a piece of tchotchke and decided to display it on the piano. I'll get there someday.

Discipline

2008-07-15T21:20:00.002-04:00

I'm shaking.

My daughter has been really, r-e-a-l-l-y hard to put to bed lately. We typically (try to) put her down for the night between 7:30 and 8:00. Since she was 5 months old, she has been an excellent sleeper. Once we put her in bed, she'd stay there. After the transition to the big bed, there were a few weeks that were...trying - she'd get out of bed, come downstairs, and wonder what we were doing. Even that resolved, eventually.

I'm not even sure how many nights we've had lately, where she gets out of bed anywhere from 5 to 15 times before finally going to sleep. With husband being out of town (again), I have had yet another evening where I can't relax because I'm running interference with her GOING TO F*ING SLEEP ALREADY.

The first 5 times tonight, I put her back in bed a la Supernanny: you know, don't talk, just put them down and walk out of the room. And each time I did, I grew more and more angry. I seriously had to count to 10 so that I wouldn't spank her...I knew that wouldn't make me feel any better and would do the opposite of calming her down for sleep. Finally, after hearing her bang around yet again, I walked into her room, put her back in bed, then proceeded to empty her bookcase. She started to cry when she realized what I was doing, wailing "Mommy, don't take my books away!". I continued with cold anger, and after cleaning out her books, I cleaned off the top of her dresser, clearing any accessible toys or clothing items.

Then I told her if she got out of bed again tonight, her movies were next. I told her she would have to earn her books back by staying in bed. I left the room.

And I came downstairs and cried. Hard.

Husband called, wanting to know how she did going to bed. My voice gave him the answer. Then he wanted to talk about next week...about how he could take the train to Ann Arbor so that we didn't have to have two cars there for the wedding next weekend.

Out of town again next week. Leaving me to work during the day (with preschoolers and toddlers, mind you), then come home to my own needy girl. And next week, I have to get us both packed and drive to Ann Arbor so that Molly can be a flower girl in her aunt's wedding. Alone. My husband? All he'll need to worry about is getting his tux.

I suppose much of this is displaced anger; anger that husband has had to work out of town so much lately, leaving me to be the single parent. And I know that I'm whining. I work with families who have just one parent all the time, many times with several children in a small home. Single parents who have to work crappy jobs just to make ends sort of meet. Children who have delays or needs that call for me to be in their home. Children who may very well make the same choices their parent did when they grow up.

But I made choices so that I wouldn't have to live that life. And one of those choices was waiting to have a child until I had a husband, a career and a stable job. All I want is to be a good, loving mom.

But I had to close the door angry tonight. And now I'm so, so sad.

True Confession Tuesday Edition 3

2008-07-15T00:04:00.000-04:00

At least I think it's #3.

This week's confession is: (drumroll, please):

I must read something while I'm...uh...dropping the kids off at the pool.

And if I'm not reading, I'm playing this:

My beloved Yahtzee has a place of honor on the back of the toilet. Once, tired of my bragging about my gigondously high score, my husband replaced the batteries. Wiped out my score, the bastard. If he does it again, I might have to go Lorena Bobbitt on him.

If I'm into a good book or magazine article, I might be in there until my a** gets numb. (Plus it gets me some peace and quiet for a while. Husband is deathly afraid of my aftermath. As he should be.) At someone else's house? I just find something in there to read. A shampoo bottle, condom wrappers, whatever might be within reasonable reach. I do not go into medicine cabinets or drawers looking for reading material, however. I'm too paranoid that the homeowner would find out I was snooping.

This whole reading phenomenon is not just limited to the bathroom for me, BTW. I read e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e I can. Riding in the car, eating by myself at the table, before bed, while watching TV, on the porch, in a box, with a fox, on a boat, with a goat ---(whoops, sorry. Read Green Eggs and Ham to munchkin tonight). I have been doing this ever since I learned how to read (my uncle and siblings swear I was 2 1/2 yrs old - I don't remember exactly but I know it was before nursery school). It's a habit...bordering on a sickness, really. But I LOVE it.

I feel cleansed. Thanks for listening.

TruCoTuesday hasn't caught on quite yet...play it with me!

Musical past

2008-07-14T00:00:00.000-04:00

Some friends and I were talking this weekend about the concerts we'd been to over the course of our lives, so I decided to put down the triviality for all to see. So, in the best chronological order possible, here goes:

1988...The Maiden Voyage

Oh, how I wish I had a way cooler first concert, but alas, no. It was none other than Dick Marx. And not only that, I went with a friend and her dad. Don't tell me what a dork I was, I already know. Thanks.

Number 2. You have to admit, it's way cooler than #1. My closest 5 friends and I got to go to Chicago, chauffered by a much cooler dad (and he didn't actually come to the concert with us). It was pretty damn awesome.

NEXT!

emember how you used to fantasize about that cute upperclassman who would never give you the time of day normally? That fateful dance where you wished he would catch your eye when "You're the Inspiration" or "Hard Habit to Break" would start to play? You know you did. Well, I saw these guys in the flesh from the 10th row, dammit. And they were FANTASTIC. I know they're old, but they can actually play instruments, which is a talent sadly lacking in modern musicians.

I also knew their older 1970s stuff, as my sister was a huge fan in those years. I was singing "Wishing You Were Here" as a toddler, when I wasn't singing stuff from the Carpenters.

Yep! Damn Yankees. The band that opened for them? Jackyl. Anyone familiar with Jesse James Dupree and Jackyl? Anyway, I went with a friend of mine who was experiencing a slight identity crisis. She had a short, bilevel hairdo and wore Nike tracksuits a lot. As a matter of fact, she wore one to this very concert. Didn't fit in well with the big hair, skintight ripped acid washed jeans, and flannel shirts. She had one thing in common with the other concertgoers, though: a tacky tattoo. Me? I probably wore my standard preppy looking outfit with socks that matched my shirt. Probably. I don't remember though.

Oh yes, I did. Vince Neil opened for them at Pine Knob north of Detroit (stupidly named DTE Energy Music Theater now) while it POURED rain (we, of course, had lawn "seats"). Vince sucked, by the way. The crowd was actually cheering for him to get off stage and chanting for Eddie. As soon as he left the stage? Stopped raining. Gorgeous sunset. This was probably 15 years ago (!) and I still remember that phenomenon. As much as I would've liked to see them with Diamond Dave, the Sammy years were good, too. I wouldn't have been old enough to see them with Dave anyway.

The ex and I went to see these guys. Good concert, weird ending. They had men dressed up in fruit suits (think old Fruit of the Loom commercials), dancing around the stage. Someone had a little too much hooch to think that up. We were slightly dumbstruck by it.

At this point, it's apparent that the influence on my musical tastes were influenced pretty strongly by older sibs, right? Although Foreigner had some hits in the mid 80s when I was at my most impressionable (aka puberty). I loved, and will still crank up "That Was Yesterday". Not sure why I like that song so much, but it's always been my favorite of theirs. At this particular concert, Lou Gramm was not sounding so hot. Serious vocal damage happened to that man, and it was sooo very evident. Oh well. At least I had a real seat this time.

I was with a sorority sister of mine when we heard the ad for this concert: "Steve Perry, singing all your old Journey favorites". We screamed in unison and decided then and there that we MUST. GO. And go we did. He sounded great, still rocked the mullet. Our other sisters were grateful that we'd stopped singing "Wheel in the Sky" in the bathroom. What can I say? The acoustics in the community bathrooms were the best.

And then several years passed where I either didn't go to any concerts, or I don't remember what I went to. Who knows? After I got married, at least I'm pretty sure it was after, husband and I went with a childhood friend of mine who also lived in the area. Steve Augeri was the frontman and from the lawn, he looked JUST LIKE STEVE P. And not only did he look like him, but he SOUNDED like him too! I'm still loyal to the first Steve, but this guy was a great knockoff...kind of like those fake Coach purses you can buy at flea markets.

Getting closer to present day...(and hating Blogger's picture formatting. Either it sucks or I suck at using it.)

<------We saw this guy a couple summers ago. They were touring with Chicago and both sets were A.W.E.S.O.M.E. There were 4 couples in our group and we had a phenomenal time. Some drunk dude scared the crap out of me; I had turned around to talk to someone and when I turned back around, this guy was right in my face and screamed "DO YOU LOVE HUEY?" while flashing the devil hands (which just doesn't seem quite appropriate for HL&TN). I think I screamed a little, then mustered up some little "Woohoo!", which apparently satisfied him because he high fived me and left me alone.

And most recently:

last fall, nosebleed seats at the Palace of Auburn Hills - great show! I've started getting M to listen to them and she was actually singing along to "Misunderstanding" last week. She really is my daughter!

We also have plans to end the summer with another Huey concert...you know, he looks pretty good for an old dude. I sort of dig the blue tinted glasses for some reason.

**************

I almost forgot one!

County Fair, circa 1993. The scent of manure in the air. Chickens squawking in the background. "Devil Went Down to Georgia". A perfect end to a summer night. 'Nuff said. I challenge anyone to say they turn this song off when it comes on the radio - you know you crank it up and pretend you're Johnny!

What's the best concert you've been to?

I'm so excited!!!

2008-07-13T00:00:00.000-04:00

The wonderful Kat over at Seeking Sanity awarded me, along with 10 others, this:

What can I say? I'm delighted. And humbled. And blushing.

I first saw Kat's blog after seeing comments on mutually visited blogs and, after snooping through some older posts, saw this one about her dad. Commonalities stood out to me - she was about my age (a little younger according to her profile), her dad is a year younger than mine, and she is also dealing with some very painful, harsh medical issues with him.

For some reason, I feel a bond with people who also have older parents: I had times as a kid where I would've given anything to have parents who were more with it. You know in kindergarten, when you boast "my dad can beat up your dad"? Yeah. I was more like "my brother can beat up your dad". (Although in his day, my dad probably could've kicked serious ass. He was a logger, which is one of the most dangerous jobs - if you didn't already know that.) I was defensive to people who assumed that my parents were actually my grandparents. So when I find someone else who shares that, I naturally gravitate. Reading Kat's beautiful, heartfelt posts about her father (who has Alzheimer's) helped me see that I am not alone in dealing with the pain of illness. My dad was recently diagnosed with esophageal cancer, which is not one of the prettier cancers to have, especially when you have 3 stents placed in your heart two weeks before the big C diagnosis. After that, it was all I could do to get dressed and go to work. I didn't know how to deal with it. I mean, my dad is Old Faithful. You could set your watch to his schedule. He was, I thought, invincible.

I learned the hard way that he is not. I can say that he is doing pretty well right now. His heart is stronger, so his energy level is better...and he tolerates the chemo very well for a crusty 77 (oops, 78 now) year old man. My opinion is that the crust helps keep him safe ;).

So Kat, thanks a million...in more ways than one. I don't think I've ever let on to her in comments why I initially started ~~stalking~~ reading her. Now you know!

Haiku Friday - Summer

2008-07-11T08:05:00.007-04:00

Vacations. Cook-outs.

Swimming parties all day.

Darkness comes slowly.

******

Lemonade. Ice cream.

Watermelon stickiness

Eating til you burst.

******

Watching the sunset

Bonfires at the beach, all

of us making s'mores.

******

I don't mind the rain

But I don't like thunderstorms.

Tornadoes scare me.

******

Summer, sweet summer.

I love having time off work.

It goes by TOO FAST.

2008-07-10T00:00:00.002-04:00

It's a darn good thing we didn't build our home from scratch...the mere thought of having to choose all the light fixtures, faucets, doors, doorknobs, etc. makes my head throb.

We've decided that having ceiling fans in the upstairs bedrooms would be a good idea. The rooms get kind of stuffy at night and it would help cut down on running the air conditioner. Do you think that I can find a fan that suits my taste, the decor, and the budget? Not a chance. I would like one that is Energy Star certified, and will reverse direction for wintertime. Those are expensive. I would like one that's white...goes with the decor better. The white ones are, in general, fugly. I would like one that is already equipped with a light, however, the lights on most of these things look like this:

Remind you of anything? Let me put it this way:

NOW does it remind you of anything? Can you see why I might not want these light fixtures on my ceiling fans?

I'm afraid I'll start lactating.

WW - Mommy's Little Patriot

2008-07-09T06:52:00.000-04:00

Signs that I am O-L-D...

2008-07-08T18:26:00.006-04:00

1. I do TV guide crosswords and enjoy them, dammit.
2. I hate noise.
3. Teenagers annoy the sh*t out of me.
4. My favorite music is starting to get played on the "easy listening" stations...either that or it's the "retro lunch hour".
5. I'm cranky if I don't/can't poop.
6. I am beginning to covet the craftsmatic adjustable bed.
7. I own a pill organizer (mainly for my vitamins, but still! I OWN A PILL ORGANIZER)
8. I can appreciate antiques.
9. I bitch about the prices of gas and food.
10. Having a good stockpile of the right kind of toilet paper is extremely important to me.
11. I listen to NPR.
12. No more Limited, Abercrombie, or Express. Bring on Eddie Bauer, jjill, and LL Bean.
13. I love the Golden Girls (but COME ON, who doesn't!?!)
14. I have no idea what the allure of texting is.
15. I am not on Facebook or MySpace and couldn't care less about it.

Admit it! You know you're with me. How are you O-L-D?

I....love a parade...I think

2008-07-07T00:00:00.000-04:00

Am I that much of a sap? At the parade in my hometown, I cried when I saw this:

This is the truck that the fire department named after my uncle. His name is on both doors as well as the front. He was on the department for many years and also took a stint as the fire chief before his retirement. A new department was actually built on the land next to his house (coincidentally), and he spent many a morning walking on the path through the raspberry bushes to the fire hall. Usually he would get a pot of coffee going for the guys. He still listened to the scanner, almost too much, to my aunt's annoyance. Like his little brother, who is my father, he loved to talk. Loved. it. I spent many days at my aunt and uncle's house as a child, and in my mind can still hear him say, "How do?" or "How are ya, tweetie?". As kids, my cousins and I made a list of how very much alike my uncles and my father were - in some ways almost like multiples, even though they were quite a few years apart in age.

My uncle was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer in 2002. He died in January 2003, just a few days shy of his 80th birthday. This new truck was ordered the summer before, and it was unanimously decided by the guys that his name should be put on it. My uncle was not told about that decision beforehand. He was called over to the hall the day it was delivered, and he happily traipsed over there to see the new piece of big machinery. He did not notice his name at first and was absolutely beside himself when it was pointed out. I have a picture of him the day he first saw "his" truck, and he is beaming.

He died while in Florida for the winter. We knew he wasn't doing well, and I told my father that I would take off school (I was in an internship at the time) and drive him down to Florida. After all, this was his last living sibling and the one he was closest to. We never had a chance to get there.

He had an official funeral, complete with "Last Call". I still, five years later, can't tell the story of "Last Call" without tears running down my face. My dad, one of the generation who does not cry, had tears in his eyes. The procession to the cemetery was one that my uncle would have grinned about...it was absolutely, massively, hugely long. The fire truck above led the way.

Seeing that truck brings back those memories, both good and bad. I guess now they could be called bittersweet. I never meant to post about all this, but I feel better in a way. Like at least a part of his story is out there.

I miss him. RIP, Uncle Sherm.

I know this should be a Freedom Haiku or something, but...

2008-07-04T00:00:00.004-04:00

I had an alternative in mind.

My quest for beauty

ended with ninety-five bucks

at the MAC counter.

What did I get for

this sum? Three eyeshadows and

two brushes. Oy vey!

It's a good thing that

I do the bills, because my

hubs would sh*t his pants.

I should go back to

Bonne Bell/Wet 'n Wild-

At least it was cheap.

So seriously? Instead of asking how much the make-up brushes cost before purchasing, I decided to just ride it out. Obviously, that was a biiiiiig mistake. Now I'm searching for cheaper brushes online so I can take the MAC ones back to Macy's, which will give me $50 back. And why did I spend this kind of money at a make-up counter? Because I haven't bothered with much more than powder and mascara since I gave birth 3.25 years ago. I wanted advice on creating smoky eyes for the wedding I am attending next month (which my daughter and husband are in, but I am not). I chose the MAC counter since it is usually frequented by the younger crowd, rather than the retired, Florida wintering age ladies at the Clinique and Estee Lauder counters. Where is the I-am-30-something, can-you-make-me-look-slightly-younger- than-my-age-but-still-appropriate counter? Um, that seems to be M.I.A.

I really do miss the days of being able to use the cheapest make-up. And wasn't Bonne Bell stuff the bomb? I used to use plain old Noxema (mmm, the smell of clean) to wash with, and whatever was advertised in Seventeen on my face. Now? Well, I discovered Origins shortly before I turned 30 and haven't been able to go back since. I recently tried to choose a less expensive option for facial cleansing - Oil of Olay something or other - in place of my beloved and extremely awesome Checks & Balances. And...it was a big bomb. I gave it a couple of weeks, but the OoO just doesn't cut it for making my face feel clean. C&B makes my face feel clean but not all dried out. What do they put in it...crack (for your) pores? (Ha - GET IT?!) So I suck it up and pay $12 more for the good stuff. And I use it sparingly. Same with the Perfect World stuff, which I initially picked up to stave off the wrinkles and pock marks that were certain to invade my generally good skin once I turned the big 3-0. Keeps away free radicals! Smells good! Made with White Tea! I still faithfully use and love it. My mom gets me the big vat of skin guardian at Christmas, I make it last as long as humanly possible. My one thing I can use that's cheap is Cover Girl Lash Blast...and I completely agree with Bossy that the "best buy" mascara (which I saw in a 4 pack at Costco today...why not Lash Blast, dammit?) may be a good buy, but ain't a good mascara.

What the hell was my point? I guess the cost of cosmetics, and the tactics they use to suck you in. They make you dependent on them (hi Origins!) so that you can never, ever go back to Wet 'n Wild (honestly though, who would want to? Am I going to get gross Google searches now because I've used the phrase Wet 'n Wild? Nah, pervs probably can't spell that well.)

What are your favorite, tried-and-true products?

And Happy 4th! Hopefully I'll get a chance to read everyone's stuff when I get home tonight...

In which I rant about teenagers and teenage pregnancy...

2008-07-03T00:00:00.000-04:00

Has anyone else caught the show "Baby Borrowers"? Normally, I'm not a network reality TV kind of person, but the husband insisted I watch it. The basic premise is 5 teenage couples are given responsibilities of adulthood - house, job, and kid. They start with babies and move on to toddlers, pre-teens, teens, and senior citizens (!?). And, per usual, I have several issues with this show:

They put them up in way nice housing...I mean, the couples are in duplexes on a cul-de-sac, so they all live in the same area. Nice furniture, nice kitchens, brand new baby furniture and supplies, brand new vehicle, etc. Uh, hello...NBC? Do you reeeeeally think that teenage parents have this sh*t available? Let's make it more realistic. Put them in single wide trailers with garage sale furniture, 20 year old car (with a $1000 sound system, of course), dead end job.
One chick in particular is SUCH. AN. ANCHOR. She made the guy do everything, she went to work and bitched about the job the whole time. I'd have fired her lazy ass. Boyfriend? Wake the hell up, dude...dump her before she gets herself preggers.
Where are these kids coming from? What has changed in the mindset of the teenager? There is no damn way I was going to let myself get pregnant before the age of...I don't know...30??? I waited until I was done with grad school, done with my clinical internship, and had enough time in at my job to have a good amount of paid maternity leave.
Part of this animosity comes from the fact that I have a niece who had a child before I had my own. This girl is 12 years younger than me, not in college, doesn't look like she will ever attend college or any higher education whatsoever, and decides to have not just one baby, but TWO. And I don't think she's done. She wants a girl. I was utterly, unbelievably furious when I found out that she was having a baby. She was not raised this way, although my husband's opinion is that my sister had "too short a leash" on her and her brother growing up. I honestly don't know what the problem is, but I do know my sister is being an enabler right now. I know too many couples - educated, gainfully employed, who have to resort to medical science to have even one baby. Why is it that these guys can have one whenever the f**k they feel like it? And this girl's brother, seeing how angry I was when she was pregnant the first time? Actually said, "Don't worry, I won't be that stupid". Um, yeah. Dumbass was that stupid. His girlfriend popped out a kid last year. Honestly? I don't really want my kid to be around that kind of thinking.
In brighter news, my oldest nephew (he is 9 years younger than me) and his wife are going to have a baby. My brother is going to go totally overboard with this kid. He loves Molly to pieces...she brings him book after book to read to her when she sees him, which is cute. He's this burly truck driver looking guy, works construction, reading to this 3 year old.

*Sigh.* Namaste. I'm a smidge calmer now. Maybe I should take Baby Borrowers off the DVR season pass. I might have a coronary if I watch it again.

Yay! It's not the C word!

2008-07-02T22:35:00.003-04:00

I just watched my new Deadliest Catch from Tuesday - Phil doesn't have cancer! A blood clot sure as hell isn't cause for celebration, but it's better than what everyone was thinking...

**relieved sigh**

Am I pathetic or what?!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-07-02T00:00:00.000-04:00

Why can't I ever actually be wordless? This is my old house. It was our first home, purchased a little over 7 years ago. My child was brought here from the hospital...she took her first steps in it...obviously the place still holds sentimental value. It has been for sale for 10 months and the price has been dropped $37,000 since it first went on the market. WHY isn't anyone interested?!?!?
This house and the fact that we own two is the source of pretty much all my stress since fall. Constant second-guessing of "did we do the right thing by moving?", that sort of thinking. I'm sure at some point I'll post a rant about the whole thing. Anyway, here it is.

True Confession Tuesday

2008-07-01T00:00:00.001-04:00

So here we are at the second edition of True Confession Tuesday, in which I reveal a deep, dark secret about myself that may or may not make you throw up in your mouth a little bit. Today? That might happen for those of you with queasy tendencies. What could it possibly be, you may ask?

Picking zits is therapeutic for me.

My husband swears that I should've been a dermatologist, but I don't just pick anyone's zits, and I don't actually pick my own. My husband is usually the victim. I even bought one of these, which greatly aids in the picking process:

Rest assured, I wash my hands and use hot water and all that. My husband is the perfect specimen and his back is the perfect canvas. This isn't by any means an everyday occurrence, but it happens more when I'm stressed out for some reason. The process is soothing to me. I know I'm not alone in this; I used to work with a couple of girls that were the same way...only one of them tried to recruit her daughters to pick hers. I draw the line at that--I won't ask M to partake in this when she gets older.

And for those of you who think this is disgusting? My husband's college roommate used to pick at something way, WAY more repulsive than this. I mean, when he told me about it, it totally turned my stomach. It's so gross I can't even type it.

So feel free to leave your opinion - pick or no pick? Too gross for you, or are you a little intrigued?

Play along, if you're so inclined!

Cop-Out

2008-06-30T00:00:00.000-04:00

I know, memes are now considered farcical, but I don't feel like coming up with anything original today. I'll finish my original post later...chasing photos down and uploading them is a pain in the arse!

The Fab 4 Meme

4 Jobs I've Held
Pharmacy tech
Bank teller
Restaurant hostess
Speech Pathologist

4 Films I Could Watch Over and Over
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Sixteen Candles
Anchorman
Office Space

4 TV Shows I Watch
Deadliest Catch
The Office
Ghost Hunters
Gene Simmons Family Jewels

4 Places I've Lived
Southwestern Michigan
Metropolitan Detroit
Ann Arbor, MI
Western Michigan
*And yes, I do wish I'd lived in another state for at least a little while, but I'll give my reasons for upper midwest living another time*

4 Favorite Foods
Pizza
Pasta
Costco chocolate cake with strawberry mousse filling and buttercream frosting
Wow Cow soft serve

4 Web Sites I Visit Everyday
amazon.com
mlive.com
ebay.com
freep.com
*I do visit most of your blogs daily...even when I know some don't post on the weekends :)*

4 Favorite Colors
Pink
Navy blue
Lime green
Pale orange

4 Places I Would Love to Be Right Now
Shopping the Miracle Mile in Chicago
San Francisco
Cape Cod
"Up North" Michigan (Traverse City or the U.P.)

4 Names I Love But Did Not Use for my Child
Annika
Erin
Elise
Grace

There you go. Random, completely useless facts about me. Made your day, didn't it?

Haiku Friday - Gas Prices

2008-06-27T00:00:00.002-04:00

Up/down. Mostly up.

The price of gas is starting

to irk me but good.

Speculators? Why

does simply talking about

the price make it rise??

Here's the solution:

STOP TALKING ABOUT IT! Duh.

The problem is fixed.

I am absolutely obsessed

2008-06-26T00:00:00.001-04:00

with this show.

I've watched it before and liked it, but lately? I am CRAZY obsessed. I think I may actually need to buy the DVDs, and there are very few shows I will spend that kind of money on. Here are my latest questions/observations:

I can't decide who my favorite captain is. This is bothersome to me for some reason, like I am obligated to pick a favorite.
The Hillstrands? What is up with the lineup of oldest, next oldest, youngest, etc.? Andy and...the blonde one look the youngest, but apparently the youngest is Neil. Huh? Hard living does wonders for your looks, apparently. I like these guys, though. Watching 'After the Catch' about brotherhood, I cried like Little House on the Prairie while they talked about passing where their dad was buried, paying tribute to him on the boat, and then they talked about how THEY buried him themselves! Made his coffin and buried him with cigarettes and a Louis L'Amour book. Unbelievable.
WTF happened with Phil? Was that a radiology tech giving him this information - like "this didn't happen on the boat,". Did the show want her to do that for dramatic value? If you're not a radiologist, honey, don't be making a diagnosis. And now the teaser for next week is suggesting that Phil won't be able to work on the boat anymore...
Don't mess with Captain Keith. He'll kick your ass.
I love when they prank each other.
I'm kind of sad that women can't participate in the "brotherhood" thing at this level. I don't mean in a physical sense, more like in camaraderie (that spelling just does not look right, but M-W says it is). Women just connect with each other differently than guys (duh). I love my girlfriends, but I also loved hanging around with guy friends...it was fun to watch the "giving of hell", so to speak. Maybe that's part of the reason I l-o-v-e this show.
Is each TV season comprised of both King Crab and Opilio seasons? How long are the crab seasons...a week? Two weeks?

I feel better now that I've written those out. I welcome fresh insight!

Riddle me this

2008-06-25T18:34:00.000-04:00

We're going to the Wisconsin Dells later this summer. I need opinions: should we take the car ferry that goes across Lake Michigan and lands in Milwaukee, then drive to the Dells from there (abt 150 miles total)? Or should we drive around the lake through Chicago (abt 360 miles)? The ferry isn't cheap--it's $70 per adult (M is free), $80 for the car, and about $44 for surcharges. Is it worth the boat costs to save 210 miles on my car, plus saving about an hour on the road? My husband says no, I'm on the fence.

WW: Obsessive Fan

2008-06-25T00:00:00.001-04:00

This is my daughter's Build a Bear. The outfit? Husband decided that Molly reeeeallllly wanted her bear to have the Red Wings outfit. Complete with the Championship t-shirt under the jersey. I drew the line at buying the hockey stick. And I made him pay for it himself.

A belated Go Wings! (Chris Chelios didn't play in the playoffs, but I still think he is HOT STUFF. Dark, sweaty eye candy.)

True Confession Tuesday - first edition

2008-06-24T00:00:00.004-04:00

I'm sure this has already been taken by someone else, so I apologize if it's anyone who reads this - I googled it and didn't come up with anything recent. If there's a Linky of some sort, I'll play along...just let me know about it!
**See below**

Since I've realized that coming up with blog fodder is HARD, I think a theme, however occasional, might help me a bit. So that's where True Confession Tuesday comes in. Oh, they won't all be revelations, that's for sure. Most of them will be pretty inane and stupid. Hopefully some of you will be able to relate, maybe get a little conversation going. We'll see.

This week's confession:

I have not yet decided whether I will have a second child.

Why is this such a confession? Because society, as a whole, puts a guilt trip on those of us who only have one kid. Maybe not intentionally, but it's there. It just naturally follows the "So when are you getting married?" and "When are you going to make us grandparents?" questions that many of us are SO fond of. People aren't at all shy about making these bold statements: "When's Molly getting a sibling?"; "You can't have just one! It's not fair to the only child!"; and my personal favorite - "You're not getting any younger!".

Bastards.

The thing that sucks is...I sort of feel that these stick-my-nose-in-your-businessers are right. Let me just say that neither my parents nor my ILs are guilty of these little gems. In fact, my mom is the one who tells me not to listen to them-that I should have more because I want them. She isn't a big believer in having them incredibly close together, either. My older sibs are 5 yrs and 4 yrs apart, then there's me: 10 yrs after the youngest. Oops! What gets me thinking about this is mortality, basically.

I used to work in an intensive therapy program for people with aphasia. (Intensive comes from the fact that our clients would come from all over the country and spend weeks with us, getting 23 hrs of therapy per week.) During my time there, I met lots and lots of awesome people. Some would come alone, many would come with family members-spouses, siblings, children. I saw and talked to so many of them who felt guilty about being in their position...they viewed themselves as burdens on their families (which they most certainly WERE NOT. but you could tell them that all day long; they still wouldn't believe it). Clients with several kids usually had them all take turns cycling through, staying a few days or a week at a time, then the next one "took over". Clients with only one kid? Well, one could definitely view it as being more challenging for the caregiver and child, not that I ever heard that. Ever. My point? I don't know what the future holds, and I don't want Molly to have no one else to lean on when husband and I get old. It really doesn't seem fair.

And then: I'm NOT getting any younger. I am now what would be deemed "advanced maternal age". I was so damn lucky with Molly...conception didn't take longer than 3-4 months, pregnancy was pretty much a breeze, and the birth--I had the blessed epidural. 'Nuff said. No guarantees the stars would align for that again. I had raging PPD that made me pack on a lot of pounds and really question my ability to parent. I don't want that again. And as happy-go-lucky as my kiddo is now? Not so much in the first 4 months. Not quite colicky, but damn fussy. I'm not sure I can handle that again, and if not that, the lack of sleep....

And yet something else--I don't want my child to grow up thinking the entire world revolves around her. It's natural to have that inclination as parents of an only child...you do things to keep them entertained (and I know damn well that part of this is our fault) and, well, the world does revolve around her right now. I mean, we also do our own things, but she is an active participant in many of them . She is also the only grandchild right now on the IL side, and is practically one on my side (since my youngest niece was 13 when M was born). In other words, she IS the universe when at grandma and grandpa's house. Having a sibling would, let's say, bring her back to reality.

So that's the first confession. A lot more involved and less lighthearted than I originally planned, but trust me, it's alllll downhill from here. Thanks for sticking with it!

I'm still figuring out this Linky stuff, so bear with me and play along if you want (although it's almost too late)!

Songs I Hate

2008-06-23T00:00:00.001-04:00

Well, let's start the week out with a nice, upbeat topic! All weekend long, wherever I went, it seemed like I couldn't get decent music from any station! Since I was keeping a mental list of the songs I hate, it seemed natural to write them out. So here goes -

1. Butterfly Kisses - Bob Carlisle: The schmultziest of schmultzy, sung by a whiny man.

2. You've Lost that Lovin' Feelin' - The Righteous Brothers: No, no. Oh, so wrong. I might get some flack for this one, I realize, but it is SO overdone. I just can't stand it.

3. Man! I feel like a woman - Shania Twain: Fingernails on a chalkboard, people. The twang hits my inner ear and makes me want to drive ice picks through to make the pain go away. Actually, anything by Ms. Twain makes me feel that way. Don't like her.

4. Time -Hootie and the Blowfish: You know, at one time, I didn't mind them. But the number of times that the songs got played? Insane. As if using the name Hootie wasn't irritating enough.

5. (Everything I do) I do it for you - Bryan Adams: Bryan, Bryan, Bryan. Why? Why did you have to record this turd of a song? I mean, it goes with that turd of a movie Robin Hood, but really...I had to shred every Bop magazine picture I ever saved of you after this song.

6. I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meat Loaf: (Double beat loaf. I HATE meat loaf) Um, Meat. Shorten the song title, first off. Then? Oh, the hell with it. Just scrap it, it sucks. (for the record, I don't HATE Meat Loaf, just this song. Can anyone name the movie referenced above?)

7. I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston: Whiny. Nuff' said.

8. My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion: Yes, I too was once caught up in the Titanic-mania. Then I got a life (sort of).

9. Believe - Cher: I believe that I will hear this song on repeat play...in HELL. I had a college roommate that listened to this song ad nauseum. And I was nauseous.

10. Shiny Happy People - REM: I am a dull pissy person in general. So I no like-a this shiny crappy song.

I'm sure this will be added to as I remember more (Billy Ray Cyrus), so...to be continued.

And...for the songs that other people have deemed annoying, but I like:

In the Air Tonight - Phil Collins
Holding Back the Years - Simply Red
Nikita - Elton John
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
Vienna -Ultravox
True - Spandau Ballet
The Final Countdown - Europe
We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
Come on Eileen - Dexys Midnight Runners
The Girl is Mine - Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney

**My husband would like to note his dislikes - they would include anything by Kenny Rogers, Pet Shop Boys, and Midnight Oil. These are the artists that I like to have playing, verrrry softly, while he's sleeping. Bwa ha haaaaa...**

Haiku Friday

2008-06-20T00:00:00.005-04:00

Daughter of mine, who

do you resemble the most;

your daddy or me?

Daddy says it's him

but I know he knows the truth

you're my mini-me.

I really need to figure out how to get these pics to look better in the post...

Reason #8,799 I shouldn't have nice things

2008-06-19T10:36:00.002-04:00

I went down to the basement yesterday, armed with the china storage thingies (the canvas containers for all your plates, cups, and whatnot) to empty out some of the boxes that hold our "good dishes" (not china). It was kind of relaxing, strangely, to unpack and repack the items...I even wrote down the things we have since I've never really kept track in the almost 10 years we've been married. These dishes were purposely chosen for their simplicity and durability, plus they wouldn't look too fancy if wanted to use them on a less formal table (really, the only kind of table we set).

As I went to pull the first dinner plate out of its paper, it...bent. My heart caught in my throat as I realized that, indeed, more than being broken, it was shattered. I checked the stack, and EVERY. SINGLE. DINNER. PLATE. was shattered. There were bread and butter plates along with mugs in that box, nothing else was broken. I'm not even sure if the (crappy) moving company actually moved this box...some of the things were stored at my in-laws for a while until we could get them over here. I felt sick. My MIL probably bought almost everything in that set, some for the showers, some for the wedding, some for holidays following.
Luckily for me, I checked the website and Dansk has a replacement policy, where you can purchase the broken items for 50% off . Even more luckily, I chose a pattern that wasn't $150 per plate (purposely). So I have replacements coming, but I have to send the shattered pieces back to the company - to prove that I'm not lying about it, I guess.

I guess this means that I'm going to be a hell of a lot more careful with my "good" things from now on. Husband ratted me out to his mom since he's over there this week with the kid; I'm sure that will earn me another black checkmark. Oh well.

WW: Not even wordless

2008-06-18T00:00:00.000-04:00

Across the street from the Sears Tower on our weekend trip to Chicago, before the monsoon came. As the clouds darkened, my cousin called and said they were getting downpours in the western suburbs, headed our way. We had to take refuge in a shop with "Yogurt Couture" on the sign. $19 and three (gross) frozen yogurts later, the rain finally stopped and we dragged our tired asses back to Union Station.

Dad Story

2008-06-17T20:00:00.006-04:00

So the Father's Day post got me thinking of a couple of dad stories. As alluded to in the list, my father is cheap and prides himself on being so - in fact, he's the first one to admit it. He is known in the family for his affinity involving super glue...he tries to fix almost everything with it (some fathers might do this with duct tape instead).

Several years ago, before he needed to wear glasses all the time, my dad only had a pair of reading glasses. True to his cheap-o-sity, he'd had the same pair for, oh, probably since before I was born (I was late teens-early 20s at the time, I think)...those big, giant, square dad-glasses. Anyway, they were old enough to be getting a bit greenish around the edges and were generally gross looking. While he worked, the glasses frequently fell out of the case in his breast pocket onto the pavement and one of the lenses would usually pop out. So what did he do? Super glue! After several times of this happening, he had just a small hole left in the middle of the offending lens to see out of, while the rest was just filmy from all the glue that had been applied. What the hell, dad...get a new pair of glasses already! It wasn't long after that when he finally decided to fork over the money, plus he was starting to need them more for distance, less for reading.

The next tidbit is less about super glue as just a moment of utter, horrific embarrassment on my part. I was a senior in high school and sitting innocently "listening" to our director during band when my friend tapped my shoulder -"K, your dad's here". Huh? My dad never came to school during the day...what the heck? I went out in the instrument room and asked him what was up. He asked me if I had the extra set of keys to the car we shared (a beautiful 1979 Chrysler LeBaron, powder blue with a white top - how lovely). I couldn't answer right away, as I was riveted by what I saw as he spoke. An old guy with a prominent chin - completely missing his false teeth so his face was sunken in like the cryptkeeper. He had tried a few days ago to fix his broken bottom plate with, what else? Super glue! Well, that time it didn't work, so he had to send them in to be fixed. For some reason, he had to wear both plates or none. O.M.G. The horror I felt...and of course I had to ask, "Dad, how did you know where to find me...?", to which the obvious answer was, "I asked at the office!". Ohhhhhh noooooooo.

Even though I was mortified at the time, I can and do laugh about it now. My father still doesn't know why I was so embarrassed. Go figure.

I have accomplished

2008-06-16T18:53:00.003-04:00

Ab.so.lute.ly nothing today. At least I don't feel like I have. I took bottles back to the store ($19.40 worth - yahoo!), got a few groceries (and still feel like I don't have any food in the house), made a pasta salad (that I don't feel like eating, so it sits in the fridge), cleaned the toilets (does anyone else have toilets that mildew if they don't get used frequently? we only had one bathroom at our old house, so we've never experienced that before), exercised (25 minutes), and changed the sheets on my bed. I thought I would be a hell of a lot more productive being home all day (week) with no husband and child (they are with in-laws).
My husband actually had the nerve to say "so the house will be sparkling clean when we get home, right?". Yeah, after I move your sh*t out to the curb, asshat.

Father's Day

2008-06-15T17:54:00.001-04:00

Things About My Dad (an abbreviated list):

1. He was the youngest son in his family.

2. He was born during the Great Depression.

3. As a kid, he earned money by plowing gardens with his horse (this was in town, mind you).

4. He quit school after the 8th grade so that he could work and help out his family.

5. He got his driver's license at 14...all he had to do was take a cop out driving and get the yes or no answer.

6. He worked as a logger with his father and older brothers for a number of years. They used old-fashioned crosscut saws and frequently got the logs off the truck by standing on top of the stack and kicking them. S-T-U-P-I-D.

7. After logging, he started driving semi-trucks, hauling construction equipment for a local company.

8. When I was young, he would be gone 3-4 days out of each week. I would get up at 3 or 4 in the morning just to eat breakfast with him and say goodbye.

9. I could not be unglued from his side when he got home. He taught me how to play checkers and a mean game of War, and we would play either/or in the evenings.

10. He had his first child at the age of 22 and his last at the age of 42 (that would be me).

11. He has been married to my mother for 56 1/2 years.

12. He is not really a sports lover. Doesn't watch football or baseball, unless a grandchild is participating in the game.

13. He claims to have scored sort of high on some musical assessment he took in elementary school. The band director at the time wanted him to play French Horn. I ended up playing it instead.

14. He had open heart surgery at the age of 51. That one bypass lasted him a good 26 years.

15. One of his pet peeves is people who don't know how to make change without a cash register or calculator. I learned very early how to manually make change. I will also make sure my daughter knows how someday.

16. He loves watching Westerns (bleah).

17. He farts a lot, then blames it on thunder, an elephant, or my mother.

18. He has false teeth.

19. He is CHEAP (except when it comes to tipping). He claims this is because he is Dutch.

20. He still works, even though he's been officially retired for 13 years.

21. He has never smoked, and rarely drinks alcohol (see #19).

22. Last November, he was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer. We would not have known he had it if it hadn't been for a GI bleed, caused by new blood thinner meds he was on following placement of 3 stents.

23. He has been on chemo since December, and his PET scans are all showing good things so far.

24. I am hoping and praying for a miracle.

25. I love my dad more than I can possibly say.

Happy Father's Day, daddy.

The frogs

2008-06-13T04:57:00.000-04:00

Outside my window

a cacophony of frogs

twang like rubber bands

This is the "pond" that is sort of kitty corner (is it kiddy corner? catty corner? I don't know, I've never typed it out before!) from our backyard. Lately, the bullfrogs have taken to being REALLY LOUD at night, to the point that it's sometimes hard to get to sleep. Sometimes I'm not sure what's more annoying - dogs or frogs? Aaahhh, the country. After 10 years of not living in it, I wonder how long it will take to truly get used to it again?